I sigh, fearing that this won’t resolve itself between the stubborn souls waiting outside my door. My options are limited. Either I pretend to be still asleep and Celeste barges in to wake me, or I face them and this day on my own. I briefly consider a third option, looking around the room for an alternate escape route, but ultimately decide the window is too high for my bolting.
I sit up, dangling my feet off the bed as I stare down at the ground. One foot in front of the other; take one thing at a time, Zell. Firmly placing my foot on the ground, I return to the realm of the living.
After taking care of my needs in the bathroom, I creak open the door to the main living area. The trio is gathered around the island, all falling silent as I pad out to them. Celeste meets me halfway, wrapping me in a hug. “I don’t think you could have fiercer bodyguards.” I place my hand on her back, trying to find an ounce of warmth within me to return the embrace. She’s mourning too, I remind myself.
“What do you need?” Leo asks.
What do I need? A thousand things, mainly the ability to turn back time. To get my friend back. Above all else, revenge. Justice.Freedom.
Pulling back from Celeste, I look all three in the eyes, promising, “Tomake them pay.”
“What did I miss at training?” I ask, forcing another bite of scrambled eggs into my mouth. My appetite is nonexistent, but the way Orion is supervising my food intake has me taking bite after bite to appease him.
Orion sips his water. “Only a regular physical circuit. Don’t worry about that; you can start back when you’re ready.”
“Stop fucking babying her,” Leo chimes in from the sink as he scrubs a pan. Celeste chuckles across from me.
Orion opens his mouth to retort, but I shake my head, placing my fork down. “Leo’s right. We’re running out of time, and every moment counts. I can’t afford to fall behind. We have less than a month to plan and prepare.”
“Then let’s get started.”
Sixty
I’ve increased the weight during my lifts and the time spent challenging my mind outside of the training grounds. I need to be stronger, faster, wittier. My mind, body, and soul are all exhausted, but I can only find sleep when I’m pushing my limits. Most nights, sleep eludes me, and my feet find their way back to the track. I run until my lungs scream for air and my legs give out beneath me. I sit beneath the stars, finding the brightest light in the darkened sky. Only after I’ve discovered Lenny do I return to my apartment, pretending the stillness isn’t closing in on me.
One particular harrowing evening, I sit with my chin resting on my knees, searching for Lenny. A shift in the air alerts me to a quiet presence, one I know as well as my own. “You need to rest, Zellie.” Orion sits down beside me. How he knows to find me here is beyond my mental capacity at this moment, but having him here is comforting all the same.
“I know my limits,” I mutter, still scanning the sky.
“You’re blinded by your rage, by your grief.”
I exhale, adjusting my head so that my cheek is propped on my legs as I meet Orion’s gaze. “I’m worried about you,” he whispers, brushing a yellowstrand out of my eyes. His words touch something profound within me I’m not ready to acknowledge. I’m not prepared to feel. I need to remain in this emotional paralysis. The numbness is safe and protective, even if it pushes others away.
I stand up, brushing off my legs. “Worried about me? That’s cute, Riri. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Orion grabs me, halting my movement. “Stop it. It’s me. Let me in, Zi.”
“There’s nothing in here you want to see.” I brush off the contact.
As I’m walking away, he calls after me, “I’m here, for whatever you need.” Doesn’t he know he’s too precious to me? I refuse to use him. To let him in further. I lose only those I care about, anyway.
“Harder,” I pant, as Leo thrusts into me from behind. He gathers my hair in his hand, yanking my head back to kiss me.
“Is this what you need, baby? You like it when I fuck you like this?”
“Yes,” I hiss, my back hitting his chest as he snakes his arm around my waist, his fingers finding my clit. I crave this connection, this closeness to him. Especially lately, when the oily wrath within me threatens to ooze out and the distance between us only seems to grow. He’s quiet, disappearing more frequently. But now? There’s only him and me.
Our skin molded together, our souls dancing. He pounds relentlessly into me, each press driving me closer to the edge. I reach my climax on a silent scream, Leo biting down on my shoulder hard enough to leave a mark as he empties himself within me. Our joining was quick, rough, and dirty—somehow, exactly what I needed. He lies back on his pillow, attempting to pull me down beside him. Instead, I move off the bed, turning to head to the bathroom. When I return, Leo is waiting. His chest glistens with sweat, my mouth going dry at the sight. My attraction to him is unmatched, my need for him only growing. It’s dangerous.
“I’m going to head back, try to get some sleep.”
“Stay with me.”
“No, that’s okay.” I don’t want him to witness my nightmares or see me fall apart. He already owns so much of my heart. I cannot allow him to have the entire thing, for I fear it will only end in despair.
He raises an eyebrow but, fortunately, doesn’t push further. I kiss his cheek before heading towards the door, refusing to meet his gaze. “Zell—”
I pause in the doorway. “Don’t,” I shake my head, the high of my orgasm already wearing off. Distractions only last so long before reality sets back in. Without another word, I disappear.
