“I am not,” he vowed. Then his face broke out into his usual wickedly handsome grin. “I wouldn’t stop you if you agreed, of course. But I meant something else entirely. I meant I am of the firm opinion that we ought to be togetherpermanently.”
A small gasp escaped her, but he rushed on.
“Let us make this courtship a real one. We have Lord Beasley’s blessing, but I know you fear for your position as his family’s governess. Thus, I am telling you that in the long run, it will not be an issue.”
Alice knew Adam meant she would not need employment in the future because his ultimate goal was marriage. It was a headstrong young man’s fancy.
She shook her head. “We have kept company barely two months,” she stalled. And then Alice lied to him. “You cannot have formed that strong of an attachment.”
For her part, she was entirely taken with him. Her heart was filled with thoughts of Adam during the day and dreams of him at night. Always, there was the anticipation of heartbreaking sadness when he finally left. But she had to convince him he was dealing with unrealistic fantasy. “The courtship would be longer than your time in Bath.”
“I was rather hoping you had formed an equal attachment,” he said. “After all, we have spent many more hours than I did with Lady Susanne. Yet with those fleeting encounters I had with her, a concert, a few minutes in the drawing room, and a single ball, no one would have raised an eyebrow had I said I’d fallen desperately in love and wished to become engaged to her. That is how these things are done amongst my class.”
She breathed deeply, staring at him. She had to make him understand. For her, there was no going back to London, not while Gerald Fairclough still threatened her freedom and her finances. Debtor’s prison was almost preferable to the alarming way he’d accused her of murdering his brother, with no way for Alice to prove she hadn’t. After all, she had been there when Richard died, so close she’d seen her husband’s nasty final moments.
“You truly do not know me, nor I you,” she warned him.
Adam tapped her glass with his, then drank the last of it down. “Everything I do know, I love. And I shall endeavor to make you feel the same.”
Alice squeezed her eyes closed a moment. Her earlier actions and decisions had shadowed her right up to that instant, making the future she wanted a hopeless whim. When she opened them, she had to tell him once more how impossible was his pursuit of her.
“You are heir to an earldom. That much I already know. The only son of a powerful family. I am not suitable for you in any manner, neither my widowed status, my age, nor my current position as a governess. Your parents will put a stop to our mutual admiration as soon as they learn of it.”
“Is that what worries you?” Adam’s face brightened. “I can assure you Lord and Lady Diamond are kind people. Open-minded and open-hearted. They would never interfere with my private matters of the heart. Besides, I have my own townhouse in London and have lived separately from them for the past three years.”
If he thought that would smooth things over, he was wrong. A powerful earl such as his father could make many things happen to his liking.
“That will make no difference. I know your world,” she said carefully.
“Do you?” He smiled indulgently, thinking she did not.
After all, how could a governess understand theton?
“Ibarely understand them,” he said, “and I have grown up with their strict rules and somewhat peculiar manners.”
“I know of what I speak,” she insisted.Yet what could she say about her experience without giving away her past?“When I was in London, I was in the household of more than one family. Bitter, strident, judgmental people, each and every one.”
“Gracious!” he said. “You were a governess for the wrong families, I warrant.”
“I was involved with the wrong people, to be sure, but I believe in this case, when an earldom is at stake, I will not be welcomed as your blushing bride.”
“How can I convince you otherwise?” he asked.
Her laugh was mirthless. Having to convince him of her unsuitability was painful. She turned away from his dear face and started to walk back the way they had come, despite knowing it would prevent her receiving another of his kisses.
As he fell into step beside her, she asked, “How many heirs marry women who are not virginal young ladies, recently presented at court? How many marry widows? Can you name even one?”
Adam hesitated, probably casting his thoughts to the people he knew.
“Strangely, I cannot come up with a single marriage as you describe. But that matters not in the least.”
She wanted to stamp her foot with frustration. “It does, my lord. More so if the female has a history. And mine is all wrong and unacceptable.”
“I have thought much about this,” Adam insisted. “Indeed, I have fought my own innate prejudice about taking a governess as my wife. Selfishly, I wanted to make you my mistress and nothing more, but that’s no longer enough for me. Besides, no one in thetonwould know or care about your prior marriage to Mr. Malcolm.”
“If they did know, they would care. You are fully aware of that. It is why you fought against your saner, more reasonable self.”
Eventually, she might have to tell him more — how she’d been thoughtless and reckless, bringing the curse of a marriage to Richard upon her own head and the ramifications upon herfamily. If he pressed her, she would make him understand that her being a governess was the least of her worries.
