“Right. Okay,” she said and went back into the front.
He exhaled.Awkward, he thought, and responded to his wife.
What are you talking about?
Sandra says you’ve been spending a lot of time with the new hire, who’s gorgeous, by the way.
Damn Sandra. No wonder his coworker had been acting so waspish. She thought he was starting to creep around.
I was only trying to help. There’s nothing going on, Sloane. Nothing.
He’d mentioned Adele to her before, told her he was going to do a few chores around the house for her and didn’t get much of a response. He took that to mean she wouldn’t mind. But he hadn’t added that Adele was their age and incredibly attractive. He hadn’t seen any point in making Sloane jealous when they were already going through a difficult period. If she stayed with him, he wanted it to be because she still wanted tospend the rest of her life with him, not because she felt there was someone waiting in the wings to take her place.
You believe me, don’t you?
The answer, when it came, left Ben weak with relief.
I do. I was just... scared for a minute.
He caught his breath as he wrote her back.
Are you sure you wouldn’t be relieved?
So much hung on that question. Did she want to move on without him or not?
I’m positive. I’d feel completely lost without you.
He’d be lost without her, too, he realized, or he would’ve moved on already.
Maybe he was just going to have to live without children.
The day had been torture. Julian had wanted to go to the Emerald Grotto at first. He’d known how excited Lilly was at the prospect of the four of them visiting Amalfi, getting on a boat and touring a cool cave. He’d told himself it wouldn’t be that big a deal to spend several hours with Charlotte, not if the others were around. But it’d been much harder than he’d expected, especially after she’d announced that she wouldn’t be going back to Cliff. That knocked out one of the excuses he’d been leaning on to convince himself he wouldn’t have a chance with her even if he wasn’t facing Parkinson’s.
“Have you toldhimthat yet?” he’d asked.
He knew she’d heard the skepticism in his voice because she’d lifted her chin and flashed him that stubborn look—the one that said heaven and hell couldn’t move her now. “No. I didn’t want to deal with his reaction—didn’t want him to be calling and texting nonstop and ruining our plans. I’ll tell him tonight.”
He’d tilted his head toward her, goading her a bit further. “You’re sure...”
At that point, she’d looked at Lilly, who’d been dangling her hand in the water while the boat was stopped so Sloane could snap a picture of Positano. “I’m positive.”
It’d been easy to tell she meant it. And that Lilly was part of the reason. Considering how much Charlotte was coming to care about her sister, he believed she wouldn’t allow Cliff to get in the way.
“You’re going to remain available for her sake,” he’d said, catching on.
“You bet I am,” she’d told him. Then she’d turned away and mostly ignored him for the rest of the day. She was mad at him. Or more likely, she was confused and hurt by his emotional withdrawal at a time when she felt she needed him most. He knew she believed it had to be that kiss or an off comment here or there that’d strained their friendship, didn’t understand it was much bigger than that. And he couldn’t tell her. He’d rather have her angry at him than feeling sorry for him.
He couldn’t allow her to depend on him, anyway, he told himself as he nursed a shot of whiskey long after the others went to bed. She had Sloane. Sloane was dealing with her own shit, but she’d give Charlotte the support she needed.Hehad to decide on his treatment, work hard, save while he could and find something to fulfill him when work was no longer a possibility. It wasn’t fair to expect a woman to become the centerof his life when he might not even be capable of helping her raise any children they might have.
Tempted to pour himself another drink, he stared at the bottle on the table. But he’d already had too much. He’d been drowning his feelings in liquor since coming to Italy. He’d told himself he wasn’t going to worry about it, that the drinking was only a temporary thing while he was on vacation—before he had to go back and deal with reality. But he knew it couldn’t be doing him any good, and he proved himself right when he got up and accidentally slammed into the corner of the table while trying to get past it.
Cursing his clumsiness, and the pain throbbing down his leg, the anger inside him suddenly boiled over. Almost before he knew what he was going to do, he picked up the bottle and threw it.
The crack rang too loud in the night, making him flinch. He stood and stared, stunned by his own actions, at the liquid running down the stucco wall and the shards of glass winking in the moonlight hitting the deck.
“Fuck.” Now he had a mess to clean up on top of everything else, but he couldn’t leave it until morning. He didn’t want Lilly, Sloane orCharlotte to see it.
Charlotte heard the crash. She’d been only half-asleep because she’d been getting out of bed every few minutes and going over to the window, where she could see Julian sitting at the outdoor table. She’d wanted to know what was troubling him, why he was out there drinking alone. It bothered her that he seemed so remote and upset and wouldn’t tell her—or Sloane—what was wrong. How bad could it be?
