The conversation she’d just had with Julian kept scrolling through Sloane’s mind like a newsfeed she couldn’t close the entire time she was sitting on the deck waiting for Charlotte and Lilly to get ready so they could catch a taxi to Positano. She didn’t know where her brother had gone, but he wasn’taround, and she was glad of the reprieve. He’d seemed horrified by her responses to his questions about her marriage and having children. What she’d said sounded selfish, even to her. Ben deserved to have kids if he wanted them. But she also deserved to live her life as she saw fit. So where was the compromise? Wouldn’t it be better to break up and go their separate ways? Find partners who were more suited to them in their current evolution?
The thought of divorce made her sick to her stomach. After being with Ben for the past few years, she couldn’t imagine moving on without him. And yet the very idea of escaping the heavy weight of his expectations and the guilt she’d been carrying for letting him down seemed to provide so much relief. She didn’t want to feel such a strong sense of obligation to do something she didn’t want to do. But she was also afraid that if he agreed they wouldn’t have a family, he’d begin to resent her, feel he was missing out and eventually regret his decision.
There was a lot to consider. It didn’t seem fair, even to her, that she’d changed her mind. But how could she make herself want something she didn’t? If she agreed to have children just to mollify him, she was afraidshe’dbe the one who’d begin to resent it, that she’d long for what her life could’ve been if she was free to focus on her career.
“We’re all set,” Charlotte said as she came outside with Lilly close behind her.
She wore a long white sundress layered with a sheer shirt and a straw hat. Lilly trailed behind in cutoffs and a shabby Ferrari T-shirt she’d hacked into a midriff top. Sloane couldn’t help thinking if that was the best the girl had to wear out to dinner, the first thing they needed to do was get her some new clothes. “Great,” she responded. Where’s Jules?”
“I have no idea.” Charlotte gazed around the deck. “He’s not in the house, and this is the only yard.”
Sloane sent her brother a text message and immediately heard back:
I walked down to the sea to snap a few pics. Coming now.
“He’s on his way.”
“Any word from Ben?” Charlotte asked as they waited. “How’s he getting along without you?”
“He’s at work now. I’m sure he’s fine. He actually sent me a list of good restaurants to try.”
“We’ll get around to them. Tonight we’re letting Lilly choose.”
Lilly’s eyes widened. “It doesn’t have to bemypick,” she protested.
Sloane had heard only that they were going to Positano for dinner. She hadn’t realized this was meant specifically to please Lilly. “You can choose tonight. We’ll be here an entire month, so we’ll have plenty of time to try everything.” She lifted her phone, which held the list she’d been referring to. “Some of these—the ones in Praiano—we’ll probably visit more than once.”
“Kasai is really good,” Lilly told them.
“What do you like there?”
“They have a supergood truffle pasta.”
“You like mushrooms?”
She made a face to show she didn’t. “I don’t think there are any mushrooms in it.”
Trufflesweremushrooms, but Sloane didn’t want to spoil her favorite dish by telling her. “I definitely want to try that whilewe’re here,” she said and smiled at Charlotte, who grinned back at her as they walked out to meet Julian in the narrow walkway that snaked through the houses crowded onto the cliff.
The restaurant Lilly couldn’t remember the name of—but loved—was a place called Il Tridente Positano. She had more trouble finding it than Charlotte had expected. She’d sounded so confident before. But finally, as the taxi drove slowly through the narrow streets, constantly stopping to wait for the tourists crowded all around them to drift slowly to the sides, she recognized it. When they asked her to explain how she’d discovered the restaurant in the first place, since it didn’t seem like the type of place a young girl would choose, she said it’d been her mother’s favorite, and her mother and Luca had taken her there for both her mother’s birthday and her own.
Once they’d been seated and served, Charlotte thought the food was every bit as good as she’d been promised. They shared the buffalo carpaccio. Then Lilly ordered the potatoes and saffron gnocchi, Julian got the pasta with baby octopus, Sloane raved over a tubelike pasta with shrimp and other seafood and Charlotte chose something calledspaghettonipasta with black garlic that also had shrimp.
“Ben said we should try the fried artichokes while we’re in Italy,” Sloane said. “Apparently, they’re very popular here.”
There hadn’t been any artichokes on the menu at Il Tridente, but there’d been a risotto with cheese that, according to Sloane, Ben had also recommended they try while they were in Italy. Sloane had ordered that in addition to her meal so she’d be able to tell him they’d followed his advice and give him some feedback.
Charlotte liked the risotto almost as much as her main meal but wouldn’t have wanted it as her only entrée. “He was certainly right about the rice, so I’m willing to try the artichokesnext time.” She turned to Lilly. “What do you think? Have you ever tasted them?”
“My mom made me try them once,” she replied. “I didn’t like them.”
“She liked them, though?” Charlotte couldn’t help being curious about Sabrina.
“She said they were good, but she likes—” her voice faltered as she realized her mistake and changed tenses “—shelikedthe ones that aren’t fried.” Her voice grew even softer as she finished with “I don’t think I’ve ever had those.”
Sloane shot Charlotte an apologetic glance for bringing up the artichokes. “How about we get some tiramisu?” she asked, probably as an attempt to prop up Lilly’s spirits.
Julian set down his now-empty glass. “Another Ben recommendation?”
