“You’re making me feel like a coldhearted bitch for arguing that Charlotte should even consider making other arrangements. It’s not that I don’t want things to end happily for Lilly. It’s just that Charlotte might not be the best answer as her caregiver. She can still be a good sister and support her in many ways. Let’s see what her extended family’s like—what they might be able to do before we go too far. I also think we should find her father and talk to him—if possible.”
That made sense. Taking responsibility for a child wasn’t a decision to be made lightly. “We have a month. We might as well wait and see what develops as Charlotte gets to know her.”
“Exactly. There’s no rush.”
He moved away from the window. “So what are you hearing from Ben?”
She climbed out of bed, went into the bathroom and started brushing her hair. “Everything’s fine back home.”
He crossed over to the bathroom and leaned against the doorway. “Not according to what you told me on the phone before you left Seattle.”
She turned away from the mirror, her hairbrush still in onehand. “It’s a possibility that I’m not as quick as you are to tell Charlotte she should take guardianship of Lilly because I’m not excited about becoming a parent myself, Jules.”
He scowled at her. “I’ve been thinking about that. Maybe that’s a short-term thing while you build your business. It’s difficult to be a parentandbuild a business.”
“That’s not all of it. It’s the whole picture.”
“What whole picture?”
“Parents are shamed at every turn. Everyone thinks they have the right to criticize how you’re treating your children, especially on social media, and they feel so self-righteous doing it. They feel they’re speaking for an innocent—never mind that they might be wrong about the whole situation.”
“People shouldn’t be so quick to judge,” he conceded, “but it’s tough to know where to draw the line—when a child needs your voice—and that’s where the problem comes in.” He stepped away from the window. “You’d be the first to try to defend an innocent if you thought it was necessary. That’s starting to sound a lot like justification to me.”
“What are you talking about?” she grumbled as she put the tie in her hair.
“I think you’re feeling guilty about not wanting kids, and you’re looking for a way to justify it.”
“I don’t need to justify it,” she said, tossing her brush onto the vanity with a clatter.
He raised his eyebrows. “Not even to Ben? Because the last I heard, a family was important to him.”
She froze for a moment, then sighed as she faced him again. “Fine. Maybe a little. I don’t want to disappoint him. I also don’t want him to feel I pulled a ‘bait and switch’ since he thought I wanted kids when I married him.”
“Having your spouse change his or her mind about thatwould be tough,” Julian pointed out. “How does he react when you tell him you no longer want children?”
She slid past him. “I haven’t said it flat out. Not yet. I just keep putting him off.”
He watched as she rummaged through her suitcase and came up with fresh clothes. “Then he’s ready to start trying.”
“He’s been ready for a while,” she admitted.
Julian moved toward the hallway so he could step out and give her the privacy she needed to change. “Businesses come and go, Sloane,” he said, pausing at the lintel. “Family is forever.”
“See? Evenyou’reon Team Baby!”
“I can’t imagine you won’t be glad you did in the end.”
“Not everyone wants the same things out of life.”
What he wouldn’t give to be in her position—to have a steady partner to love and support him through the coming years, one who also wanted to start a family. All the trips he’d taken, the incredible sights he’d seen, even the photos he’d captured—none of it seemed to matter as much after his diagnosis.
“Even if that costs you Ben?” he asked in disbelief.
“You think I should have kids for his sake? That Iowehim that?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I’d just hate to see anything tear you two apart—and something like that could have the teeth to do it.”
At his response the fight drained out of her, and her shoulders slumped. “Exactly.”
