I want to scream,add on to what?
Gideon’s hand tightens around mine, making my bones creak. It’s a silent demand. I nod. “Yes, I’d like the add-on.”
“Very good. The risks and recovery are similar, but a longer abstinence period may be required, depending upon how much repair is needed. The stitches will dissolve on their own. I’m sure you’ll be satisfied with the result.” He opens a leather binder and slides it toward me. “Sign here, and here.” He points to two dotted lines. My signature swirls across them as I scan the tiny lettering for a hint of what is about to happen to me.
He snaps the binder closed, making me flinch as he slides it back toward him. My racing heartbeat falters and grows sluggish as my stomach flips. “Very good. If you’ll follow me, Mrs. Lowell, we should be no longer than an hour. Mr. Lowell?—”
“Gideon, please.”
Dr. Stevens smiles as he rises from his chair and walks toward the door. “You are welcome to wait in my office or in the waiting room. My assistant will be along with refreshments.”
Good, maybe once I’m alone I can explain how clueless I am about this and the doctor will see reason, or at least find an excuse to not go ahead. Maybe I have high blood pressure? Or something? Anything.
“Actually, I’d like to be with my wife.” My eyes squeeze closed as my hope goes up in ashes and scatters out of the door onto the cold New York streets.
The doctor freezes, and his gaze turns to Gideon. “That’s not possible.”
Gideon raises a brow. “I paid you handsomely to have this done on our anniversary. I doubt you have a chaperone available while operating on my wife in such a vulnerable way. I will be present.”
My gaze darts between the two. The doctor’s jaw ticks, and I wonder if I’m about to witness someone refusing my husband. There’s a first time for everything, right?
“Fine. But you’ll need to be gowned and stay at the head of the bed, out of the operating field.”
Gideon’s hand loosens around mine. He relaxes as he once again gets his way. He tugs me up to stand, and we follow the doctor out of the door. Time seems to slow down. Each step I take is exaggerated as I walk toward my doom. The doctor guides us into a white sterile room. My eyes fix on the gynecological chair, complete with the terrifying leg braces. My vision blurs as my heart rate speeds up and my chest tingles.
Gideon’s mouth touches my ear. “Going to make you bleed for me, baby, and so much tighter. Happy anniversary.”
CHAPTER 5
HONOR
No one can touch your soul unless you permit them. No one can take your light. Not a thousand armies nor a prince with eyes the color of the ocean.
Gideon strokes my hair as the doctor prepares his tools of torture. Metal clangs and plastic packaging rustles. The stinging smell of antiseptic lingers in the air. “Talk her through it. My wife finds comfort in knowing exactly what is happening.”
Nope, I don’t, I’d rather not know. I glance around the room, hoping to find something to focus on. Something other than the fact that I am physically restricted and feeling vulnerable.
“Of course,” Dr. Stevens says as he wheels a stool between my spread legs before scrubbing his hands in the sink. He snaps on a pair of surgical gloves, the sound making me flinch. With a warm smile aimed in my direction, he disappears at the foot of the bed.
“Like a pap smear, I’ll use the speculum to visualize the area and make a plan. Try to relax.”
I bite the inside of my cheek, already torn to shreds, and force myself to relax. “Well done,” he praises as the cool metal slides in and he cranks it open. He hums to himself as he decides exactly what needs to be done.
“You are already quite tight. I think a few well-placed incisions and sutures will improve your overall experience, shrink the width of your channel, increasing friction for you both. Your hymen will need to be reconstructed from the vaginal membrane. I can do a double layer to ensure bleeding on your next penetration. How does that sound?”
“Good,” I whisper. This isn’t happening.
Gideon smiles at me as his hand finds mine. “Beautiful inside and out. You said you wanted it tight, right, baby?”
He increases the pressure around my fingers. “Yes, as tight as you can make it, Dr. Stevens.” Gideon beams at me.
“Well, we want to avoid the need for a vaginal dilator. So not too tight,” the doctor says. Gideon’s smile falters and is replaced with a frown.
I swallow the blood seeping onto my tongue. “That’s okay, Dr. Stevens. We want to recreate the magic of my virginity.” A little bile burns my throat.
The doctor’s head pokes around the side of my legs. “This procedure will not make you a virgin, Mrs. Lowell.”
“I’m aware. But it is something Gideon and I wish to recreate and share.”
