My lips curl with savage amusement.“But you do, don’t you?You want revenge just as much as I do.”Her agitation makes sense to me now.As with the man she killed, Nora’s middle-class sensibilities are clashing with her instincts.She knows what society dictates sheshouldfeel, and it bothers her that the actual emotions she’s experiencing are quite different.
It’s not human nature to turn the other cheek, and my pet is starting to realize that.
Nora closes her eyes again and moves her head under the spray.The water cascades down her face, turning her lashes into long, dark spikes.“I wanted to die when I thought you were dead,” she says, her voice barely audible through the running water.“It was even worse than when I lost you that first time.When I saw the girl, I figured she didsomethingto harm your business, but I didn’t realize she’d caused the crash.”
I picture how Nora must’ve felt that day, and an acute ache spreads through my chest.I’d go insane if I ever thought I’d lost her.“Baby…” Stepping closer, I use my back to shield her from the spray and cup her face in my palms, staring down at her.“It’s over.That episode in our lives is over, okay?It’s in the past.”
She doesn’t reply, so I bend my head and take her mouth in a deep, slow kiss, comforting her the only way I know how.
14
Nora
I’m losing myself.Slowly and surely, I’m being drawn into Julian’s dark orbit, sucked in by the twisted morass that is this estate.
I’ve known this for a while, of course.I’ve been observing my own transformation with a kind of distant horror and curiosity.Things that once seemed abhorrent to me are now part of my everyday life.Murder, torture, illegal arms dealing—intellectually, I still condemn it all, but it no longer bothers me as it once did.My moral compass has been gradually tilting off-course, and I’ve been letting it happen.
I’ve been letting Julian’s world change me without so much as putting up a fight.
Even before I knew what the blond girl had done, her plight didn’t affect me on any kind of deep emotional level.Like Rosa, I had been morbidly curious rather than appalled.And now that I know she’s the interpreter who nearly killed Julian, the hatred surging through my veins leaves little room for pity.I understand that it’s wrong to let Lucas punish her in this manner, but I don’tfeelthe wrongness of it.
I want her to suffer, to pay for the agony she put us through.
The fact that I can think at all right now, much less analyze my disconcerting emotions, is bizarre.I’m in the shower, and Julian is kissing me, drugging my senses with his touch.His hands are cradling my face, and my body is responding to him as always, the warm water sluicing over my skin adding to the burning heat within me.My thoughts, however, are cold and clear.There’s only one solution I can see, only one way I can attempt to salvage what remains of my soul.
I have to get away.
Not permanently.Not forever.But I have to leave, even if it’s just for a couple of weeks.I need to regain my sense of perspective, re-immerse myself in the world outside our compound.
If not for my own sake, then for the tiny life I’m carrying.
“Julian…” My voice shakes when he finally releases my lips and slides one hand down my back, making my sex pulse with need.“Julian, I want to go home.”
He stops abruptly and lifts his head, still holding me against him.His gaze hardens, the heat of desire morphing into something cold and menacing.“Youarehome.”
“I want to see my parents,” I insist, my heart beating rapidly in my chest.With Julian’s powerful body surrounding me and the steam from the shower fogging up the stall, I feel like I’m trapped in a bubble of naked flesh and lust.My body clamors for his touch, but my mind screams that I can’t give in.Not with so much at stake.
A muscle starts ticking in his jaw.“I told you I’ll take you at some point.But not now.Not in your condition.”
“Then when?”I force myself to hold his gaze.“When I have an infant to care for?Or a toddler?How about when the child is full-grown?Do you think it’ll be safe for me to go then?”
Julian’s lips thin into a hard, dangerous line.Backing me up against the shower wall, he grasps my wrists and pins them above my head.“Don’t push me, my pet,” he murmurs, his erection pressing into my stomach.“You won’t like the consequences.”
Despite my determination, a tendril of fear coils in my chest.I know Julian won’t hurt me right now, but physical punishment is not the only weapon in my husband’s arsenal.Images of Jake’s brutal beating flash through my mind, bringing with them a sickening chill.
“Don’t,” I whisper as he leans down and brushes his lips against my ear, the tender gesture a stark contrast to the threat of his body looming over me.“Julian, don’t do this.”
He straightens, his eyes like hard blue gems.“Don’t do what?”Transferring my wrists into one of his large palms, he trails his free hand over my breasts and down my belly, his fingers grazing over my burning skin.
“Don’t—” My voice breaks, his touch making my core throb with need despite the lingering chill.“Don’t let it be like this.”
His hand comes up, his fingers catching my jaw in an inescapable grip.“Like what?”he asks, his tone deceptively even.“Like you’re mine?”
My breath catches.“I’m your wife, not your slave—”
“You’re whatever I wish you to be, my pet.I own you.”The casual cruelty of his words hits me like a blow, knocking all air out of my lungs.Something of my reaction must’ve shown because his grip on me eases, his tone softening slightly as he says, “This is your home, Nora.Here.With me.Not out there.”
“They’re my parents, Julian.My family.Just likeyouare my family now.I can’t spend my whole life locked in a cage for my safety.I’ll go crazy.”I can feel tears gathering behind my eyelids, and I blink rapidly, trying to hold them back.The last thing I want is to show what an emotional mess I am these days.
