My skin itches. I want to go in there and comfort her, reassure her that she’s safe and that it will never happen again, but my words lack weight now. Twice she’s been taken from me and nearly killed, twice I’ve failed. It’s like someone is working specifically against me and I can’t work out who. And if not, then it’s my own incapability that’s put Aerin in these terrible situations.
I’m better than this.
I was trained better.
Iambetter.
So what am I missing?
Over and over I replay both nights in my mind, seeking answers I’ve missed, but nothing immediately jumps out at me. Aerin remains in her room all night and refuses to come out even for dinner. I don’t press her. I remain steadfast outside her door while a distantly familiar pain coils in my gut like I’ve swallowed a handful of weights that clang together.
I’ve felt this feeling before.
Despair that my actions have hurt someone I deeply care about. And I do care about Aerin. Somehow, in such a short time, she’s gotten under my skin.
Her flirting attempts were obviously her trying to push her boundaries and act out in the face of constant observations, butall of that, coupled with the spark that flares in her eyes every time she gives me attitude, has ignited something deep inside of me. Something I can’t soothe because I swore an oath.
At this rate, it’s something I won’t ever be able to soothe because I’m on a clear path for Aerin to never trust me again.
Several times through the night, I lift my hand to knock on Aerin’s door, but my knuckles never make contact. Back and forth I debate the pros of disturbing her versus letting her process at her own speed. Each time, I bow out like a coward.
I’m not ready for her to look at me with blame in her eyes or to hear the question about how I failed to protect her again.
By the time morning dawns, exhaustion claws at my eyelids, but I refuse to waver until a guard climbs the stairs and enters the hallway. His slick-backed hair reflects the sunlight creeping through the window at the end. As he reaches me, he flashes an equally tired smile.
“Guido wants to see you. I’m to relieve you.”
“About what?”
He shrugs. “Didn’t say.”
I nod once and then, finally, knock on Aerin’s door. There’s no response. “Aerin, I’m leaving to speak with your father.” More silence. “I’ll be back soon.”
The echo of silence from her room follows me through the corridor and up the stairs to Guido’s floor. As I reach the top of the steps, I pull out my phone and quickly access the CCTV of the estate and peek into Aerin’s room just to calm the worry growing in my heart.
She’s asleep. The heat monitor confirms she’s very much alive and sleeping soundly, her hair spread across the pillow and the sheets bunched up around her like she’s some kind of burrito.
A stuffed animal peeks out from her elbow as she clutches it tightly against her chest. It brings a beat of warmth to my heart.
Sleep is good.
The two guards outside Guido’s office open the door before I can even take a breath and announce myself.
Inside, Guido stands at the long bay windows overlooking his garden with a glass of Scotch in one hand.
A bit early.
My eyes then lock onto Giacomo and an unexpected pulse of anger surges through me. He lounges in the chair near Guido’s desk, one arm lazily resting along the curved back while both long legs stretch haphazardly out toward the desk.
Last time I saw him, he was blaming me for Aerin’s disappearance.
“Look who it is,” Giacomo sneers as his eyes meet mine. “Some fucking security you are.”
“Excuse me?” That pulse of anger surges up to my throat and laces my words with quiet heat.
“You heard.” Giacomo draws one leg closer to his chair as he turns to face me. “You fucked up. You fucked up so badly that I’m actually going to regret killing you because it won’t be worth mytime.”
My defenses solidify in a second.
