“It’s really late, isn’t it? I’m pretty tired.”
“I am too,” I admit, watching his eyes flick to the door. “Let’s just nap together before we have to hit the road tomorrow, yeah?”
Sidney squirms like he isn’t sure, but nods. “Yeah, I guess that would be okay.”
I’m as surprised as you are, baby. I don’t even know how to cuddle, but if anyone is going to teach me I know it has to be you.“Okay, then lay down,” I respond, gently shoving him down so his head is on my pillow. “Which way should I... how should I hold you?”
He blinks at me like I’m speaking another language, then sits up again. “Have you really never done this before? We don’t have to, we can just lay next to each other.”
“No, that’s lame. Let me hold you.” Slowly, I reach out to hold his face and swipe my thumb along his cheek. “Show me how you like to be held, Sidney.”
He exhales hard as his eyelids flutter, but he nods again. “Lay down on your back, but tilt just a little toward me.”
I do as told, smiling softly as he maneuvers my hands where he wants them and lays down, head on my chest and one leg snaking between mine. “Now put your arms around me, like a hug.”
Now I’m smiling for an entirely different reason. Hugs from Sidney are rare, I could probably count how many he’s given me on one hand, but this feels like the beginning of a whole lot more. It’s also even better than a regular hug, because those all have a cut off time the second they begin, but as I hold him to me and let my eyes close, I don’t see him escaping my arms.
I can get used to this.
“See? Not too bad. You’re softer than you look.”
For you? I’d be a marshmallow.
“You think you can last there all night?”
“Probably longer than you,” he laughs. “If you’re not used to having a full human wrapped around you like a burrito, it can get a little overwhelming. It won’t hurt my feelings if you roll away.”
I run really hot in my sleep so we’ll see who dies out first. “A burrito sounds good. Don’t make me eat you again.”
“Oh what a shame that would be,” he mumbles, shimmying a little closer. “But maybe wait until morning for that.”
“Mmhm. Will do.”
I kiss the top of his head and let my body melt into the mattress. The feel of him is more relaxing than I ever imagined, and his scent? Yeah, he’s going to have to peel me off of him if he wants to get free.
“Goodnight, Levi. Thanks for taking care of me.”
I get the sense that he doesn’t expect a response, but I can’t help it. He’s taken care of me more times than I can count. It’s my turn to take care of him. “Anytime, baby boy, I’m not going anywhere.”
He hums so sleepily, I’m not sure if he actually heard me, but that’s okay. We’ll talk more in the morning.
I AWAKEN TO THE SOUNDof shuffling, and although I’m pretty groggy, I know for a fact I fell asleep with Sidney on my chest and now I don’t feel him at all. “Sid?” I ask, peeking open an eye to see his hand wrapped around the door handle. “What are you doing?”
He’s sneaking out, that’s what he’s doing, and based on how he’s holding his shoes in his hand I know he was trying to sneak out without waking me.
Sitting up, I wake a little more as I wait for him to explain himself, but he just looks stuck.
“I uh... I have to pee,” he whispers. “Everything is fine, go back to sleep.”
“Pee? There’s a bathroom right there.” Narrowing my gaze, I move the blanket off of my lap and press down on my morningwood so he can’t see it. I’m not about to get distracted. “You’re about towalk of shameme. Really?”
Deflating, Sid finally lets go of the handle. “No. I mean, yes, but not because I’m ashamed or regret it or anything. I just...”
“You just... what? Want to sneak out of here to go overthink everything we did and said until you convince yourself I got you out of my system and didn’t mean it when I said I wasn’t going anywhere?”
Damn. I’ve never just blurted out everything I was thinking with him, but it feels really good to just fucking say it. I’m tired of holding everything in and pretending I don’t care enough. I care, and I’ve cared in silence for way too goddamn long.
“Yes,” he says flatly. “And to convince myself through whatever means necessary that it’s all worth it and the few months I’ll have with you like this will be worth me spending the rest of my life alone because I’ll never care about anyone the way I care about you. So yeah, Lee. I was running away for a little bit.”
