I ignore my cock and pull my sweatpants back up so I can nap before the show, but when more insistent banging begins on my door, I nearly shove them right back off. I guess my baby boy needs more too.
With a grin, I make my way over and tug it open. “You can let yourself in, y’know?” But my cock instantly softens when I see this isn’t the right pretty boy. It’s Bash. “I thought you weresomeone else. I take it back,youneed to keep knocking. What’s up?”
“You might want to let me in first,” he says flatly, pushing past me and shutting the door for me. “Do you want to tell me why my handler just waddled back to his trailer wearing a shirt I swear is yours and... literally nothing else?”
Eyes widening, I try to come up with an excuse, but my brain never did work that fast. “Uh... we were smoking and his pants caught fire. You know how dramatic he is, he took everything off. I didn’t even realize he stole my shirt.”
His pants caught fire? Like the liar liar I am? Fuck. Still, the fact that he decided to take my shirt has a dumb, lazy smile spreading across my face. Yeah, that boy is mine.
“Mhm. And where are these smouldering pants?” he asks, digging through the pile of clothes on the floor. “Are they invisible as well as flammable?”
“In the... toilet?” Fuck it. “Alright, fine. I lied. We kind of fucked around a little bit.” The fact that Bash told me he’d punch me in the face if I ever fucked Sidney and tossed him aside shoves its way to the forefront of my brain, so I instantly hold out my hands. “It’s all good though. It wasn’t a one time thing, we’re going to keep fucking.”
He huffs, staring at me for a moment. “And Sidney knows this?”
“Of course. We talked about it right before he left. I don’t know why he rushed out of here like that. Everything was good. Great actually, he said he’d come see me before the show in case I need him, and then booked it. I think he got shy.”
“If there’s one thing I know about him, it’s that there’s zero chance he’d get up and leave after finally getting to fuck you unless you did something incredibly stupid. So go on, spill. What stupid, stupid thing did you say?”
Frowning, I bite back my argument and take a moment to think about how the conversation went, then play it back for him as well as I can. “His energy shifted a little after he told me to keep my mouth shut about it all, but that was his idea. I left that up to him. Which means you can’t repeatnoneof this. You didn’t see shit, I didn’t tell you shit, alright?”
“I’ve kept my mouth shut this fucking long, haven’t I? But you need to back up a little bit. It sounds to me like he was asking if you were ready for the kinds of conversations you’d have to have if people saw you and you said no.”
Huh? Damnit, I wish I could remember exactly how he said it. “How was I supposed to catch that?”
“By using your ears, dicksweat. You held off for years because you know how fragile he is, I’m just telling you to be careful. That’s all.”
“I thought I was being careful, but now I see I fucked it up again.” Scratching at my head, I move to collapse on the bed and try to think of a way to fix it. “What do I do, Bash? I want him happy, but every single time I get close it becomes clear as fuck that he’d be happier without me.”
“Maybe try leading with something other than ‘be my secret fuckdoll’ to the man who just spent months watching his boyfriend fuck other people. Did you know that? I don’t know if I was supposed to tell you that, but whatever. Cat’s out.” He grabs a beer and sits down, cracking it loudly. “What’s your end goal here, Cross?”
Drinking about thirty of those so I can go back to pretending everything was fine like I was five minutes ago.
That seems like it would take way too long though, so instead I grab a couple Oxy from my nightstand and swallow them dry. “I want to be what he needs,” I admit. “But he’s one of those people that will tell me everything is fine to my face while he’s dying inside. How can you ever be what someone needs ifthey suffer in fucking silence? How do I grow into the man he deserves if I’m too stupid to figure it out myself and he won’t speak up? I’m not a mind reader, Bash. I barely know what the fuck is going on in my own head.”
“Then figure that out first. Keep doing whatever it is you two are doing until you sort your own shit out, then tell him. One of you is eventually going to have to put your big boy pants on, and from what I just witnessed streaking across the parking lot, it won’t be Sid.”
I don’t know why, but even with everything going on, I smile at the visual. He’s so fucking cute it hurts. “Did you see his ass?”
My smile instantly fades when I realize people might have seen him half naked, but Bash shakes his head. “Your shirt was long enough and I was the only one out there, so don’t worry about whatever just made you quit smiling.”
“You can keep your creepy, orange eyes then,” I joke, but it’s actually not really a joke. I don’t want anyone seeing him. “So you’re not mad about us? We have Lord Sebastian’s approval?”
“Depends on what happens when it shakes out,” he says with brutal honesty. “If you’re just in it to fuck him, then he knows what he’s getting into and I can’t say shit about it. He’s a grown man. But if you make him believe you guys can be more and then blow it? Yeah, I’m gonna be pissed.”
“Then I just can’t blow it.”
Sounds simple enough, but when is anything ever simple?
Bash leaves soon after looking a little more disappointed in me than I would have liked, but it is what it is. Within minutes I pass out with my hand in my pants, and wake a little while later to knocking. It’s much softer this time, but somehow I know it’s exactly who I want it to be, so I call out to him instead of getting up. “Come in.” I feel so damn good right now, the only thing that can make it better is Sidney — even if I can’t tell if he looks more excited or nervous when he enters. “Hi.”
“Hey. Sorry I’m a little late, Bash needed me.” He shuts the door behind him and comes over to the bed, sitting next to me. “How are you?”
“M’great.” He’s not wearing my shirt anymore, but he looks so damn good I can’t stop myself from reaching out and pulling him down to cuddle me. “How are you?”
He shrugs as he settles in, glancing up to meet my eyes, and his smile fades. “Your pupils are really small. Oxy again?”
“A little yeah. I think I took one or two? Voices are quiet now.”
