His grip tightens around mine. “Nah. I’d refuse a new handler. I only keep Carter around because I know he has nowhere to go. I don’t want him getting wrapped up in drugsanymore than he already is, but if they sent someone new? I’d make them quit. No one can take care of me better than you.”
My stomach squirms with hope that shouldn’t be there. This is just an arrangement, it’s not real... but it feels real.
“Do I need to start taking care of Carter too?” I joke.
“No.” It’s more clipped and stern than I expected, but there’s something in his tone that has my mind racing. Was that... possession? “If it was up to me you wouldn’t take care of Bash anymore either. I need you more.”
“Theoretically, it is up to you,” I say without thinking. “They’d give you whatever you wanted. Bash probably wouldn’t like switching, though. He doesn’t think very highly of Carter, not that he really needs a handler anymore anyway.”
I feel him nod against my shoulder as if his face is turned toward me now, but I continue staring at the ceiling like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. “I wouldn’t do that to Bash, I don’t know why I said that.”
I’d do it to Bash. Not two years ago, but now? He hasn’t actually needed me to do my job at all since he met Alaina. “Yeah, me either. Things are working the way they are.”
“Especially now.”
I finally turn to look at him and find his eyes closed, looking more relaxed than I think I’ve ever seen him. There’s color in his cheeks again which gives me an almost irrational hope that he’s actually laying off the drugs, but it also might just be slight embarrassment. Confessing is never easy, which is exactly why I can’t bring myself to tell him how I really feel or that each rose I have tattooed on my body is a reflection of a time he hurt me. I have a feeling that’s one secret I’ll take to my grave.
“Well, you know that whether I’m your official handler or not, you can always call me.”
He hums, rolling onto his side to toss an arm over my torso and pin me there. “Publicly? Or behind closed doors?”
“You saw what happened when you held my hand on the bus,” I remind him. “Do you want to explain to all of them that we’re not together, I’m just accepting a third job on this tour as your fuckdoll and my payment is orgasms?”
After a moment he shakes his head. “Yeah, I hear you. I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
Now it’s my turn to do that, because for some stupid reason I thought if we ever ended up fucking, he’d realize he has feelings too, but he just confirmed again that’s not what this is. I guess the confessions are over for today. “I should go shower,” I say softly. “But I’ll come back about an hour before the show tonight in case you need more human connection.”
It comes out sharper than I wanted it to and I can feel myself getting emotional, so I get up, throw his shirt on so it’s long enough to cover my ass, grab my clothes and let myself out.
I wonder if my tattoo artist is free.
Chapter Fourteen:
All That I Can Give
Levi
Fucking finally.
There’s no turning back now. Before this tour is over Sidney Cranewillbe mine, and I’ll be sure to never fuck it up. Right now he still has the urge to run away — he didn’t even take the time to get pants on — but before long, he’ll be sleeping in here with me and truly be my fuck doll. And a whole lot more.
I didn’t realize how badly I needed more until after I came and it wasn’t enough, but now that I know I want so much more than sex, our inevitability is crystal clear. I want him to be mine in every possible way.
But god, I want to fuck him. Having him like this felt more like a tease than anything, and I feel myself hardening just at the thought of sinking inside of him. Patience. I have to find patience.
