“Caleb, you don’t have to,” he said softly.
Pure, unadulterated love for this man poured from every part of my soul. Despite him being the one who needed comfort, he was still so very aware of me. It changed how I viewed what I was about to do.
It was no longer about me performing an act that was a means to an end. It was about bringing the man who saw me – who knew me better than I knew myself – a little bit of what he’d given me. It was a sex act, but it wasn’t about sex.
It would be like that when he made love to me for the first time, too. I wouldn’t forget that when the time came.
I held his gaze for a moment, then shimmied down his body as I gave his dick a few more tugs. He never stopped looking at me.
Not as I nuzzled his cock.
Licked it.
Sucked on the head.
There were times that I would draw my eyes away from himlong enough to pay attention to what I was doing, but every time I looked at him, he was watching me.
With hunger.
Need.
Awe.
Love.
But as much as I loved seeing all those emotions, I really wanted him to experience the freedom that came with not having to do anythingbutfeel. So I took Jace to the back of my throat and sucked hard. He let out a hoarse shout and then I felt his fingers in my hair. But he didn’t try to hold me on his dick and he didn’t punch his hips up so he could fuck my mouth.
Something I was grateful for, since I really wanted to be the one to control his pleasure.
I sucked him until he was calling my name, then popped off his cock and made my way up his body. I covered his mouth with mine. He groaned and kissed me back and I knew he could taste himself on my tongue.
“Tell me what to do,” I said. I hated that I had to ask him the question, but the reality was that I didn’t know what came next. My own initiation into anal sex hadn’t been gentle and there was no way I wanted to hurt him the way I’d been hurt. I understood things in theory, but I needed him to guide me.
“You need to prep me,” he said. “There’s a condom and lube in my wallet.”
I climbed off him and searched out his wallet, then found what I needed.
I put the condom on the bed and then began fumbling with the packet of lube. My nerves got the better of me. “Fuck,” I muttered as I felt my cheeks heat.
Jace sat up and leaned against my side. “Breathe, baby. It’s going to be perfect.”
I sighed. “I’m supposed to be the one telling you that,” I groused. He took the lube from me and opened it.
“I don’t need to hear the words to know it,” he responded. Hehanded me the lube, then reached for the condom. As he opened the package, he said, “One finger at first, then two.”
My response got caught in my throat as Jace’s fingers wrapped around my dick so he could roll the condom down my length. When he was done, I managed to ask, “Um, like this or, um, from behind?”
He kissed my shoulder. “Do you want to know what I was envisioning when I first told you this was what I wanted?”
I loved how relaxed he sounded. It eased some of my own fears.
I nodded in response to his question.
“I want both. I want to feel your weight on my back as you’re moving inside of me. But when you come, I want to see you.”
I practically swallowed my tongue at that. He’d really given this some thought.
“Okay,” I said, my voice hoarse.
