Blocking it.
“You’re not leaving,” he said quietly.
Too quietly.
If he’d been any other man, I would have been scared. But he wasn’t any man.
“What are you going to do to stop me, Jace?” I asked as I came to a halt not more than a foot from him. “You may not give a shit about hurting me here,” – I pointed at my chest – “but we both know you won’t lay a hand on me in anger.”
His jaw ticked, but as expected, he didn’t make a move towardme. But when I went to push past him, he grabbed my arm and propelled me back into the room. He slammed the door shut behind him.
“I never lied to you—”
“Yes, you did!” I snapped. “Every time you kissed me! Every time you shared some part of yourself with me, every time you—” – I hated that my voice cracked – “—every time you looked at me like I was the only person who existed for you!” I wiped at a stray tear that slipped unbidden from my eyes. “But you warned me, didn’t you?” I whispered, my anger deflating as pain began to spiral throughout my chest. “You told me not to give you everything. So shame on me for that too,” I murmured.
“It isn’t like that, Caleb,” Jace said in frustration as he thrust his hand into his hair. “I just… I just…”
When he didn’t say anything, I pushed past him, saying, “Go tell it to Dalton” as I did so.
Jace grabbed my arm and dragged me back to him, then walked me backward until I hit the bed. His heavy weight pushed me onto the mattress and he instantly pinned my hands beside my head. “I don’t fucking want Dalton!” he snapped. “Don’t you get it, Caleb? It’s you!” he practically snarled. “It’s only ever been you! You’re all I’ve ever wanted from the moment I met you.”
Before I could even respond, his mouth closed over mine. The kiss was harsh, but my body welcomed it anyway. But it ended way too soon.
“You were seventeen fucking years old,” Jace said, his voice quieter now. “You’d been brutalized in the worst way and I just wanted… I just wanted…”
“What?” I asked softly, some of my pain easing as I watched the helplessness flash in his eyes.
“I had to stay away,” he said hoarsely. “Don’t you understand?”
He didn’t give me a chance to answer. Instead, he shook his head violently. “I couldn’t go through that. Not again. Not with you.”
“Go through what?” I asked. His body was shaking on top of mine.
“I couldn’t love you and lose you like all the others. I just couldn’t… I can’t… I won’t.”
I held my breath. Had he just admitted he loved me? I knew the others he was talking about were the family members who’d all been stolen away from him.
I forced some oxygen into my lungs. “You wouldn’t talk to me,” I murmured. “We had that amazing moment when you… when we…” I cursed inwardly because tears began slipping down my face and with my hands pinned, I couldn’t do anything about that.
Jace released one of my hands and skimmed his thumb over my right cheek, then my left. I let out a watery laugh because it was just like him to do something like that.
“When we had sex,” Jace finished for me. “That’s what it was, Caleb. And it was perfect.”
“Then why didn’t you speak to me afterwards? I thought I’d hurt you – that I’d treated you like my father and Rush had—”
Jace kissed me. “Don’t,” he breathed against my mouth. “Don’t ever compare what happens between us to what those assholes did to you. I loved everything we did.” He kissed me again and I couldn’t help but kiss him back. “You want the simple answer?” he asked. “I freaked out. That may not seem like much of an explanation, but I was so fucking scared. And I had no clue what to do with that. There was no cutting it out… there was no fucking it away.”
“You could have talked to me,” I said softly.
“And say what? ‘Caleb, if I lose you I think it might very well kill me.’ ‘Caleb, I’m so in love with you that it feels like I can’t breathe with it sometimes.’ ‘Caleb, I’m so fucking clueless on what to say or do that will keep you with me forever.’”
I let out a harsh sob. “Yeah, for starters,” I said. I reached up to stroke his face. “God, I love you so much, Jace.”
He closed his eyes as if pained, then pressed his forehead against mine. “Caleb, if I lose you I think it might very well kill me,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. “Caleb, I’m so in love with you that it feels like I can’t breathe with it sometimes.”
I smiled and settled my hand on the back of his head.
“Caleb, I’m so fucking clueless on what to say or do that willkeep you with me forever.”
