Sienna cut that thought in half and inhaled a big whiff of the sautéing onions wafting through the open slit of the kitchen window. Sienna could just see the lodge’s kitchen staff moving like a well-oiled machine. Someone chopped herbs. Another stirred something Sienna couldn’t see in a pot big enough to feed the entire cast twice over, and by the strip of the dark counter, she could just see the top of a man with short, spiky hair cutting into something.
It wasn’t exactly the most romantic place to sneak off with Vivian, but it was the safest. To get there they had to rush past a fleet of parked Land Cruisers, skirt way too close to staff quarters where someone blasted drum beats through a cracked window, and creep past a line of gas cylinders before they finally made it to the stone wall beside a humming generator. It was both thrilling and nerve-racking.
“I think Themba saw us,” Vivian said, glancing back toward the bushveld. But the only thing out there was a shimmer of heat over the gravel path. “Did you see him sitting in the driver’s seat of one of the Land Cruisers? I assumed he’d be out at lunch. What if he decides now’s the time he’s going to stop telling tales about birds and start telling Elise he saw us together?”
“You’re panicking,” Sienna said, smiling. She’d experienced this same kind of panic just a few days ago when Maurine had nearly interrupted them at the spa. They’d both ended up huddling behind the rack of rolled towels until the doctor disappeared into the sauna. But now, after all the sneaking and near misses, she felt like a veteran. And veterans didn’t panic. “And when did he tell you tales about birds?” she added, frowning and smiling all at once.
“The other day,” Vivian said, shaking her head like it wasn’t important. “And I’m not panicking; I’m just being cautious. There’s a difference.” She gave Sienna a look that said we should probably stop tempting fate, then exhaled like she’d just realized how ridiculous that sounded. Although probably not ridiculous at all, since that was exactly what they were doing. Pushing their luck.
“You think this is funny?” Vivian asked when Sienna couldn’t help her smile spreading into a toothy grin. Vivian was being entirely too cute. Maybe it was the heat pressing in on them, but she felt a little dangerous.
“I do,” Sienna said, stepping closer. “I like it when you’re nervous.”
“I’m not nervous.”
Vivian didn’t move, but her pulse gave her away. A quick flutter just below her throat. Sienna saw it, or maybe she just imagined it. Not that it mattered. She reached out and hooked a finger through the belt of Vivian’s linen shorts.
“You sure?” she asked. Her voice barely carried over the hum of the generator. But Vivian heard her. Not that Sienna gave her a chance to answer. She closed the space between them, tugging Vivian to her, and pressed her mouth to Vivian’s. Her lips were soft and warm and tasted like spearmint gum. Sienna parted them with her tongue just as Vivian’s hand came up to Sienna’s jaw and brushed the corner of her mouth. She slid her hand down Sienna’s throat to her breast, which only made Sienna lean in more. There was heat, way more than the midday sun, spooling low in her stomach.
Sienna wanted to do something about it—she could think of several things, but most of which were wildly inappropriate for their current proximity to the kitchen—when someone shouted, “Where the hell is the coriander?!”
Sienna pulled back. “Maybe this isn’t the right place,” she said, her lips tingling like they’d been brushed with static. It might not be the right place to make out, but still, nothing could ruin this moment. Just her and Vivian, alone. Not even the coriander.
Well, except…
“Have you decided who you’re picking for the villa date tonight?” Vivian asked, stepping sideways to lean against the wall. She folded her arms across her chest and suddenly seemed a little closed off. Not like herself. Although Vivian did have the propensity to appear statue-like, so maybe a little like herself.
Sienna nodded. There was the sizzle of what smelled like garlic and butter hitting a hot pan, and she immediately noticed the empty hole in her stomach. She’d been way too nervous to eat at breakfast, and now she was paying the price.
“I have,” she said, pressing her fist into her stomach.
Vivian noticed and frowned. “Are you okay?”
“Dandy,” Sienna said. “I’m just hungry.” But the pit in her stomach had nothing to do with hunger pangs and everything to do with the whole charade Elise had forced them into.
Why pretend they weren’t seeing each other for the sake of the show when pretending was completely unfair to the remaining contestants? Every time Sienna pictured herself in Holly or Nisha or Dani’s shoes, her blood boiled. She wanted more than anything to come clean. Twice she’d nearly done it. The words had been right there. ‘I’m sorry, ladies, this has gone on for long enough. It’s not fair to keep leading all of you on when really, I think I might have fallen in love with Vivian. Not that I can see if these feelings are real, because first, I have to pretend to fall in love with one of you. For the sake of the show. For the viewers.’ The words had been on the tip of her tongue. But then she’d thought of Vivian, the look she’d get on her face, that quiet, pleading one from the other day that said, ‘Please just do this for me.’
“So, who are you picking?” Vivian asked.
“Nisha,” Sienna said matter-of-factly.
“Nisha,” Vivian repeated, rolling the name off her tongue. She looked at the ground and traced a wide arc around a small stone with the tip of her booted foot. When she looked up again, her eyes were glazed over, like she was either looking very far away or was deep in thought. Both of which made Sienna doubt herself.
Had she picked the right person for the villa date? Was Nisha a mistake?
Her reasoning had been simple: choose the woman least likely to initiate intimacy. Nisha wasn’t the type to rush into anything. She might even expect Sienna to make the first move, which didn’t just give her time; it gave her options. Nisha felt safe. Dani and Holly did not.
“So… do you think that’s a good idea?” Sienna asked after a beat of silence that was so loud that the generator buzzing beside them sounded quiet in comparison. She studied Vivian’s face. Except her face was blank. There was nothing to study. “I mean, I can choose Holly if you think that’s better? We’ve already kissed, so maybe there won’t be any pressure to do it again.”
Vivian ran her palm across the side of her neck. A sheen of sweat shone on her skin. Despite the thin strip of shade from the roof above their heads, the air felt like a damn sauna. Vivian took another few seconds to say something, and when she did, it wasn’t what Sienna wanted to hear. “Do what’s right for you,” she said, not quite looking at Sienna, but also not looking entirely past her. “It’s your decision about who you want to take on the date. All I ask is for you to keep up with the secret.”
Somewhere in the last five seconds, Vivian’s voice had lost its usual warmth. Which, frankly, was deeply disconcerting. In fact, Sienna was so unsettled by this that she nearly stepped back out of the shade just to stand in the sun and feel the heat on her face.
“That’s it?” Sienna asked, frowning deeply. “Do what’s right for you? Keep up the secret. Is that seriously all you’re going to say?”
“Yes,” Vivian said. “What more do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know,” Sienna started. “I guess…” But she didn’t know how to say that she wanted Vivian to tell her that she mattered more than the show, more than the dates, more than anything else. She wanted Vivian to say I don’t want you to doanything tonight. I can’t bear to even think about you kissing someone else again. I care about you. I can’t stand the thought of another woman’s lips on yours. Of her hands on your body. At least not without sounding needy.
