She couldn’t wrap her head around it.
Why? Why had it been so important for Devon to marry her? Was her father so unconvinced of Ashley’s ability to manage her own life that he’d all but hired a man to be her husband? She winced at the thought, but it was appropriate. At the very least, she’d been used as a bargaining chip.
She rubbed at eyes that felt full of sand. She’d cried all that she was going to allow herself to cry. She be damned if she shed another single tear over her husband.
A dry laugh escaped her. Her husband. What was she going to do about her marriage? Her complete and utter farce of a marriage.
She closed her eyes against the humiliation of it all. What a fool she’d made of herself over the last month. She wanted to die from it.
Had he laughed at her the entire time? Had he joked with his friends about what a gullible idiot she was? She didn’t like to imagine he could be so cruel, but the man she’d faced down the night before and demanded the truth from had been brutally honest. At her insistence, but crushingly forthright all the same.
“It’s time you had the cold hard truth, Ashley,” she whispered. She’d been living a fantasy.
She rubbed at her temples, willing the vicious ache to go away. But the pain in her head was nothing compared to the unbearable ache in her heart.
Should she leave him? Should she ask for a divorce? They could have the shortest marriage on record. She could go back home. Chalk it up to a lesson learned the hard way. It was doubtful at this point that her father would pull the plug on the deal because Devon had lived up to his end of the bargain. It wasn’t Devon who was unhappy with the result. It was her. Everyone had evidently thought she was the very last person who should be consulted about her life.
But the idea of divorcing Devon held as little appeal as living in the cold, sterile state her marriage now existed in. She deeply loved him and love wasn’t something you could switch off at will. She was hurt beyond belief. She was angry and she felt horribly betrayed. But she still loved him and she still wished that they could go back to the way things had been before she’d found out the damnable truth.
It was true what they said about ignorance being bliss. She’d give anything at all to go back to being that innocent little girl who still believed in happily ever after with Prince Charming. For just a little while Devon had been that prince. He’d been perfect. She’d built him into something he wasn’t, and that wasn’t entirely his fault. He couldn’t be blamed for her utter stupidity.
No, she didn’t want a divorce. But neither did she want to live a life with a man who didn’t love her.
She thought back to all the things he’d said to her the night before. His criticisms had stung. They’d stunned her. She’d never imagined that he’d thought of her in such a negative way. But maybe he was right.
Maybe she was too impulsive, too flighty, too exuberant. Perhaps she should be more controlled, more guarded, show more of a knack for self-preservation.
It was evident that he didn’t want the person she was. It was evident he didn’t love flighty, impulsive, tender-hearted, animal-loving Ashley Copeland, who called him at work just to say she loved him.
If he didn’t want or love that person, then the only two options left to her were to walk away and get a divorce or tobecomesomeone he could love.
Could she make him fall in love with her? Her family always worried that she was too trusting. Too naive. Too everything. Apparently they were right.
The only person who didn’t seem to think anything was wrong with who Ashley Copeland was, was Ashley herself. And it was becoming increasingly clearer that her judgment stank.
It was time for one hell of a makeover.
But the idea didn’t excite her. It didn’t infuse enthusiasm into her flagging spirits. It was a bleak thought and she dimly wondered if Devon was worth such an effort.
Would his love be enough, provided she could even make him fall in love with her?
A voice in the back of her mind whispered that it was time for her to grow up. It was a voice that sounded precariously close to Devon’s. He thought she should grow up. Her father evidently thought the same. Maybe they were both right.
She stiffened when she heard a sound on the terrace. She knew it was Devon but she wasn’t ready to face him yet.
“Have you been out here all night?” he asked quietly.
She nodded wordlessly and continued to stare over the water.
He walked to the thick stone railing that enclosed the private viewing area, shoved his hands in his pockets and for a moment stared over the water as she was doing. Then he turned to face her and leaned back against the stone.
He looked as bad as she felt, though she had no sympathy. His hair was rumpled. He was still in the same clothes as the night before.
“Ash, don’t torture yourself over this. There’s no reason we can’t have a perfectly good marriage, no matter the circumstances ofhowwe came to be married.”
He was starting to repeat his arguments from the previous night and the truth was, she couldn’t stomach hearing again how she was naive and impulsive and whatever else it was he’d said when he outlined all her faults.
She bit her lip to keep the angry flood from rushing out because at this point it did her no good and she didn’t have the emotional energy to spare.
