The fact that the same week, Viscount Dudley accidentally shot himself with a dueling pistol didn’t seem to raise any eyebrows.
She had been besieged with well wishes, flowers, and letters. Visitors came daily to offer their support, but she refused to see any of them.
Pasting a smile on her face was an impossibility when she was crumbling inside. She had no wish to hide her pain when it consumed her.
And today, she had faced Gray for the first time since his rejection. The man she loved so dearly, she felt his absence with each breath she took. It had hurt far worse than she ever imagined. How she had forged such a strong connection to him in the short time they were together, she would never understand, but severing that tie was like dying a slow death.
A knock sounded at her door, but she made no move to acknowledge it. The door clicked softly behind her and footsteps approached.
“Jenna?” Her father’s deep voice reached her. He sat down beside her, and she glanced sideways at him. “I’d like to speak to you.”
The moment she’d dreaded had come. For a week she’d successfully avoided conversation with her father, not wanting to see the disappointment and shame in his eyes. But she couldn’t avoid him any longer.
She sat up straighter and turned so she could look him in the eye. “I’ve wanted to speak to you too, Papa.”
“How are you feeling?”
Grateful for the neutral question, she smiled. “I’m feeling better. My shoulder isn’t paining me as much anymore.”
“And your trip to the orphanage? It went well?”
“Very well,” she said, remembering the delight of the children.
Her father paused for a long moment as if formulating exactly what he wanted to say.
“I won’t lie to you and say I am not disappointed in your actions. But what I’d like is to hear your explanation. In your words.”
She closed her eyes and expelled her breath in a long sigh. “I’m sorry for letting you and Mamma down. I know what I did was hurtful to you. But I can’t regret what happened. I just can’t.”
“Why didn’t you come to me?”
She gave him a perplexed look. “I couldn’t. I didn’t want you and Mamma to know I was unhappy. It was expected of me to comply with your wishes.”
“You thought sneaking off in the night to a strange man’s house was a suitable alternative?”
Her face warmed. “No, I suppose not.”
“You should have come to me. Been honest about your feelings. If you had confided in me instead of acting so rashly, this whole situation could have been avoided.”
“But I didn’t want to avoid it,” she blurted.
“I see.”
“At least not in retrospect,” she added hastily. “I don’t regret the time I had with Gray.”
“Is your mother correct? Are you in love with him?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she mumbled. “He refused me.”
He arched an eyebrow in surprise. “What do you mean refused you?”
She closed her eyes briefly. “After I broke my engagement with Stuart, I went to Gray and told him I was free, that I wanted us to be together.”
“And he refused you.”
She nodded, too miserable to speak.
“I see. And what reason did he give for turning you away?”
