“Very well,” he said opting to remain standing as well. Ever the consummate gentleman.
“Stuart, I...I have something to tell you.” She broke off, looking away briefly. She hadn’t imagined it to be so difficult to tell him. But memories of them as children, her tagging along behind him and Sebastian, him always having a smile and a kind word for her filtered through a heavy fog of guilt. But it was those same memories that convinced her he would not turn on her and betray her secret.
“What is it?” he asked in a soft voice. A voice completely devoid of the nasal whine he’d long since adopted.
“I can’t marry you,” she blurted out.
“I beg pardon?”
“I’m having an affair.” Shame coursed through her, but she willed herself to look him dead on.
To his credit, he didn’t so much as flinch. “I see.” He turned away from her and walked to the liquor cabinet.
She rushed on before he could respond further. “I understand if you no longer wish to marry me. I will accept full responsibility.”
There was a long pause as he poured brandy from the decanter. Grasping the glass in his hand he turned back around to face her and raised the drink to his lips. He drained the glass then pinned her with a stare, one that made her uncomfortable. “Why?”
Heat crept up her neck and infused her cheeks. She hadn’t counted on him asking why. Clearing her throat, she twisted her hands nervously, wondering what exactly to tell him. Deciding the best approach would be one that made him more than willing to dissolve their engagement, she opted for complete honesty.
“I wanted to experience what I thought to never experience with...you.” She watched him closely for his reaction to her blunt statement, but he remained silent. A slight flicker sparked his eyes but was gone in a flash.
She pressed the issue again. “I am sure you have no wish to continue with our engagement.” He was close to acquiescing, she could sense it. Uncertainty reflected in his face and she silently said a prayer that he’d say the words she most wanted to hear. But her prayer went unheeded as he spoke next.
“Don’t be silly, my dear.” The affectation was back. “I can only imagine the stress you’ve been under.” He clucked in sympathy. “I forgive you, Jenna.”
What? No! This was not supposed to happen. “But, Stuart, I’ve been unfaithful. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. Surely you have no wish to marry someone who has betrayed you in such a fashion.” She was pleading, but she didn’t care. This was too important to conserve her pride over. She’d beg if she had to.
“Nonsense. That is completely unnecessary. I’ve no doubt you are truly regretful. And you’ll make a fine viscountess. I see no reason to dissolve the arrangement our fathers made.”
“I have no regrets.” She struggled to keep the anger from her voice, from her face. Had she done this for naught? He acted as if she’d just told him she spent too much money, not that she’d had an affair. What was wrong with him? Did he really not care? Or was he trying to drive her mad?
He rushed over and took up her hand, holding it over his chest. “We are all weak. Don’t feel badly because you succumbed to pleasures of the flesh. I don’t think any less of you. In fact, I admire you for being so honest. You are truly an exceptional woman.”
She was speechless. Nothing could have prepared her for this most unexpected reaction. Was he a complete idiot? “I don’t believe this,” she muttered.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” he said in a nauseatingly sweet voice.
“You mean to tell me that you don’t care that I’ve been intimate with another man?” She couldn’t keep the incredulity from her voice. “Would you feel the same way were I to take a lover after we are married?”
He led her over to the settee and sat down beside her. “We’ve never discussed our marriage so I guess this is a good a time as any. All I require is an heir. So, of course, I would expect you to remain faithful until that is accomplished. But afterwards...if you should choose to take a lover, I shan’t try to stop you.”
Was this actually happening? Was she sitting here in Stuart’s drawing room casually discussing her taking a lover? But worse, he hadn’t wanted to cry off the marriage. She was well and truly stuck. He was her only chance to end the engagement. And he’d failed miserably.
“I’ve got to go,” she mumbled, standing up.
“You can count on me to keep this conversation in confidence,” he said as if she should be grateful.
She didn’t respond, but fled from the room. Launching herself into the carriage she called out, “Home!” Tears ran down her cheeks before they were fully away from his house. The houses blurred in the window of the carriage as the tears fell more freely.
Tonight would indeed be her last night with Gray.
Her shoulders began to shake as sobs came welling out. Somehow she didn’t see Gray being content to wait until she’d provided an heir for Stuart. And she couldn’t envision taking a lover after she’d said her marriage vows.
Hopelessness surrounded her, and she felt more desolate than she’d ever felt in her life. How could she let go of him? How could she say goodbye?
Chapter Twenty
Determined not to ruin the first moments of their meeting with the news that this would be their last, Jenna trudged up the stairs, a smile pasted on her face. Her brothers had gone out for the evening, so she had left the house with no fear of discovery. She had spent the afternoon staring aimlessly out over the well-manicured shrubs. Dreading the night to come.
