“I don’t see why you shouldn’t attend a ball or two before they return. Without Stuart, of course. But no reason you shouldn’t have a bit of entertainment before Mamma and Papa come home. I’ve noticed you haven’t been going out much in the past several days. No sense moping around the house.”
If he only knew. A pang of guilt surged over her. It had taken a lot not to confide in him. She had never kept any secrets from him, but this wasn’t just any secret. “Perhaps you are right. I may just attend Lady Dunning’s ball tomorrow night.” She didn’t add that she’d need the distraction since tonight would be her last night in Gray’s arms.
“I’ll smooth things over with Sebastian and Stuart. Promise. I don’t think the world will come to an end if you attend a ball without them. I will volunteer to escort you so that you are adequately chaperoned, but I will make it a point to remain out of sight.”
“You’re a dear,” she said kissing his cheek. “And the best brother I could ask for.” She smiled at him and walked toward the stairs, anxious to get to her room so she could sort out the latest upheaval in her life.
She paced back and forth in front of her bed. She’d never felt so trapped in her life. A sick feeling rolled in the pit of her stomach. Her two worlds were on an inevitable collision course. One she must prevent.
Dropping to the bed, she covered her face with her hands. She was out of time. And now, more than she hated the idea of marrying Stuart, she hated the idea of never seeing Gray again. Of never lying in his arms.
She loved him.
Hot tears ran down her cheeks. God, she loved him. How could she let him go? What had started as an affair had turned into a deep friendship and an even deeper love. There must be something she could do.
She stood up and walked to the window, staring aimlessly out at the garden below. There had to be a way of extricating herself from this mess without disappointing her family. Without them ever knowing what she had done. Engagements were dissolved all the time. Would it be the end of the world if hers went by the wayside?
She gnawed at her lip, her consternation growing with each rapid breath. If Stuart cried off the marriage, her parents could hardly object. But what would make him take such a drastic measure?
Disappointment lay heavy on her heart. She could think of no excuse, no solid reason for their marriage not to go forth. At least not in Stuart’s eyes.
Except her affair.
She turned away from the window and leaned against the sill. If he knew about her affair, there was no way he would consent to the marriage. He’d likely suffer an attack of the vapors and take to his bed for a week. Not to mention spread the news of her perfidy far and wide.
With a frown, she shook her head. Stuart may be a lot of things, but malicious wasn’t one of them. She could not believe that the boy she had grown up with would purposely destroy her for the sake of revenge. But was she willing to wager everything on that belief? Because if she was wrong, her entire world would come crashing down on her like a house of cards.
She closed her eyes and tried to imagine Stuart’s reaction. Despite the levity of her mood, a smile curved her lips. As prone to theatrics as Stuart was, this could be more dramatic than an evening at the opera. But when he was over the initial shock, she would simply implore him to keep her secret. He had never been able to resist her pleading when they were children. She had to hope that carried over into their adulthood.
But did she have the courage to confess what she had spent countless hours trying to hide? Indecision warred within her. Then, curling her hands into fists, she took a deep breath and nodded. Yes, she did. She would go to Stuart and confess her affair. Give him the opportunity to cry off. Once he dissolved the engagement, she would have to tell her parents. Not a duty she relished, but she would do it. She had to.
She hurried over to her dressing table and checked her appearance in the mirror. Her eyes were swollen and red-rimmed, her skin blotchy from crying. She poured water into the washbasin and splashed cool water over her cheeks. When she was satisfied that she didn’t look a fright, she changed into a sprig muslin day dress and hurried down the stairs.
She waited on the doorstep for the carriage to come around then hurried out when it arrived. Praying that Stuart was home, she gave his direction to the driver and sat back to ponder what she would say.
By the time the carriage stopped in front of Stuart’s townhouse, she’d nearly made herself sick with anxiety. Her palms were damp, and she wiped them on the seats before stepping down onto the street. Her feet felt lead-filled as she forced herself up the walkway to the door.
She paused, staring at the knocker, closing her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Papa,” she whispered. With hardened resolve, she opened her eyes and knocked firmly on the door.
The butler opened the door seconds later and Jenna cleared her throat. “Would you kindly inform Mr. Eglin that his fiancée is here to see him?”
The butler bowed and gestured her inside. “Right this way, my lady.” He led her into the expansive drawing room. “I’ll summon Mr. Eglin at once.”
Jenna paced restlessly in front of the large window that faced the street. He must hurry before she lost her nerve. Her head snapped up when she heard approaching footsteps.
Stuart swept into the room, his welcoming smile in direct contradiction to the puzzlement in his eyes. “Jenna, how marvelous to see you. What brings you here this afternoon?”
For a brief instant she was swayed from her mission. Stuart looked so...sonormaltoday. He was attired in a simple pair of tan breeches with a white shirt and tan waistcoat. Even his boots were staid and dull.
He crossed the room to stand in front of her. And he didn’t look overly thrilled to see her. Maybe she’d come before he could complete his toilette. She fought the grin that threatened her lips and focused back on her objective.
“Is your father at home?” she asked.
“No, he’s at the club, shall I summon him home?”
“No, no,” she said much too quickly. “That is, I needed to speak to you...privately.”
He gestured for her to sit down, but she shook her head. “I’d prefer to stand.”
