“Fine!” I know Eris is waiting for more, becausefineis never fine. “Just a little tame. Mostly missionary, more kissing than talking, and only the nice things that nice guys say during sex. Head was good, but he was not remotely interested in anal, for him or me.”
“Oh, Bambi. You poor thing,” Eris teases.
“I know. I shouldn’t complain. Like, he was really generous and…nice.”
“No, no, I wasn’t being sarcastic!” Eris tsks. “Youcancomplain about that! Sounds vanilla as hell. Did you ever tell him you wanted more?”
“Yeah, I asked him to try dirty talk.” I fight a smile at the memory. “He got as far as calling me a good girl when I blew him, but that ended when I came out a non-binary. We couldn’t find a good alternative.”
Ze chuckles knowingly. “What did he call you?”
I sigh. “He called me a good person.”
Eris’s shrieking cackle makes me laugh, even though it shouldn’t because Matt triedsohard. He just never understood what I was asking for. It’s a little funny in hindsight, but it was painfully awkward then.
When we can breathe again, Eris pulls my hand to zis face, resting zis cheek against it. The stubble scrapes my palm, and I flex my hand to cup zis jaw more firmly. “So what, you wanted him to call you a little slut and spank you?”
“Not necessarily, but that would have been cool.” I squirm, skin hot. But if Eris and I are going to fake happiness, this stuff might be useful. “Just… I didn’t need for him to whisper that he loved me in my ear every time he came. Like, it was sweet, and sometimes the mood was right for that. But again, we’re back to how I wanted more, and he couldn’t give that to me. So he let me go.”
Eris’s lips press to my wrist, sucking on my pulse oh so lightly. The flutter against my skin makes it hard to breathe, my binder growing constricting instead of comforting. “So he never told you to get on your knees and choke on his cock?”
That deep gravelly voice, saying those words…
My muscles clench from my thighs to my shoulders, and the car veers onto the shoulder. The rumble strips are loud beneath the tires until I jerk us back to center. “I’m trying to drive!” Burning hot, I try to yank my hand away.
Eris holds on tight. “But, Bambi, you blush so pretty.”
I wince, quickly masking it, but Eris sees. Of course, Eris sees.
“Not pretty?”
I shake my head, eyes trained on the car ahead of me, not sure I want to see the expression on Eris’s face. To see if ze’s truly flirting, or simply mocking me. “Not cute, either.”
“Not pretty, not cute. Cool.” Eris finally lets go of my hand. Reluctantly, I bring it back to the steering wheel. My palm and fingers are cold. Strange, when the rest of my body is still blazing. “That gives me enough to work with.”
“Work with?” Why do I sound out of breath?
“Enough to whisper in your ear when people are looking, enough to put any doubts to rest that we’re not really together.”
Oh. Right. My chest tightens with embarrassment, and I don’t want to think about what the empty drop of my stomach really means.
“It’s a shame, though,” Eris says. “When a relationship that should work doesn’t because of incompatibility. Same thing happened with me and Stella.”
Like ice water, I’m doused with the reminder that I barely know Eris. “You dated Stella?”
Eris hums. “A few years ago. We didn’t last long. I’m not as vanilla as your Matt, but by queer standards, I’m barely kinky. And Stella is pretty hardcore, like extreme masochism, degradation, pup play, that sort of thing. We tried, but we couldn’t find common ground, so we decided to stay friends instead. They just moved in with their handler though, so everything worked out well for them.” Ze shrugs.
“Stella?” I sputter. They’re so timid, but I have no reason to doubt Eris, so I just add that to the very short list of facts I know about Stella. “Is that why you’re so mean to them?”
Eris’s gasp is offended. “I amnotmean to them! They’re such a brat all the time!”
“How? Last time we went to brunch, they said something poetic and wise, and you threw your napkin at them.”
“That wasnotpoetic and wise—what the fuck? They were…” Eris growls in annoyance. “You know what? Never mind. Sure. Stella is poetic and wise, and I’m a raging dick! Let’s go with that!”
“If you have a diff—”
“Nope. Let’s change the subject.”
