He holds up his hand, shaking his head. “Don’t. I need this, Emery. I need to tell you the truth. At least, I think it’s the truth.” A ripple cascades down the length of his throat. “I’ve been telling the lie for so long that I’m not even sure I know the whole truth anymore. But I-I know it’s my fault. Losing her. Every single time. I lost her. And it was my fault.” He pauses, teeth clenched. “And I blamedhim. Every single fucking time, I blamed him. But it was never his fault. He never betrayed me. He… I don’t understand how he can even look at me. I don’t understand how he could be in the same room as me after everything I’ve done.”
I slip my hands into the pockets of my jacket, anxiously twisting the fraying fabric of the internal hem. He’s talking about Quin. He’s… He’s telling me what happened. He’s telling himself. Perhaps for the first time.
“We met her at the same time at Lux,” he begins,refusing to look at me. “He noticed her first. But I was there. God, she was beautiful. Black hair, blue eyes. And the way she looked at us, we knew immediately that she’d be ours. We used to share back then. Never anything serious, but we’d have fun. I didn’t think I would fall for her, not as hard as I did, but it happened. Quin fell too. It was a disaster. Fucking the same person is one thing but loving them? Completely different ballpark.”
My stomach twists, and I want to disappear, but I can’t. He’s opening up. Talking. I can’t shut him down. I can’t run away no matter how uncomfortable I feel. This woman gave me my life back. And so I stand and listen to all of Damon’s regrets.
“Alison was smart, almost conniving. I knew she liked us both, but Quin was always a bit too gentle for her. She liked it rough, she liked the drama, the fights. She loved the highs, not so much the lows.” He takes a breath. “So, eventually, I gave her an ultimatum. It’s either me or him, and if she picks him, then I no longer exist. I will no longer be an option for her, no matter what happens. I told her she’d be dead to me.” He expels a self-deprecating chuckle. “So, she picked me, and our relationship was exactly how you’d expect it to be—totally chaotic. As time passed, I started thinking more and more about settling down and having kids. My parents… My parents didn’t like the idea of Alison as my person. They didn’t think she was worthy of the Cavanaugh name. I mean, she was a stripper, right?”
I look down at my feet.
“One night we got into a fight at a restaurant. Shebasically said she didn’t want kids. I said some dumb shit, and she ended it with me. Guess where she went?”
“To Quin?” I whisper.
“I was so fucking angry. I couldn’t believe it. And then in less than six months, they were engaged.” He scoffs. “Fucking engaged, Emery. So…you know what happened then.” He releases a low sigh, closing his eyes. “Christ, I was a monster. He loved her, he truly loved her, and I ruined it for them.”
“But you loved her too, Damon.”
His eyes spring open, and he whips his head at me, tone dripping with disdain. “He proposed to her, Emery. He proposed to her and told his family and friends about her. He wasn’t ashamed of her past. And he didn’t hide her from the media. But I did. And I didn’t hide her because I wanted to keep her safe. I hid her because I didn’t want the world to know I fell in love with a stripper.”
My mouth gapes open. “Damon…”
“Fuck, that’s horrible to say out loud, isn’t it?” He winces, shaking his head. “I-I promised her the world, Emery. I promised her I’dchangefor her. Be a better man.” His lip twitches. “But I couldn’t even bring her to my father’s birthday dinner. I was so afraid of what everyone would say. And she left. That night. Again. She left, and I drank, and then… And then she died. I-I killed her. So…” He faces me, his gaze sweeping across my flustered face. “Being loved by me never leads to anything good.”
My pulse races as I process everything he’s said.Every emotion. Every ounce of hatred. So much hate. And it’s only directed at one person—himself.
“Now you know the whole truth, Emery,” he whispers, glancing down at my belly. “Now you know I’m not a good person. This baby…” His eyes well up. “You should raise this child with Quin. He-He’d be a great father. He’s honest and kind and forgiving. He’s not a monster.” Tears trickle down his cheeks. “But I am… I’m-I’m going to hell. I—” His knees give out, and he sinks onto the gravel floor. He drops his face into his hands. “I can’t do this, Emery. I can’t be here. I don’t deserve to be here.”
There’s nothing I can do. There’s nothing I can say. No words will soothe him. No amount of ‘I love yous’ will help him right now. I take a step forward and wrap my hands around his neck. He rests his forehead against my stomach and simply sobs, soaking the fabric of my black dress. He cries until the well is dry. He cries until there’s nothing left. He cries until the weight is lifted, and he’s no longer trapped on the ground.
He peers up at me through damp, dark lashes, expression tight, embarrassed. “I’m ready.”
I frown, stroking the back of his head. “Are you sure? We can postpone?—”
“No.” He rises to his feet and dusts off his pants. “Now.” He turns around and marches into the cemetery, not waiting for me.
I rub my pulsing temples as I quickly follow behind him toward the Cavanaugh family plot. As we round the corner, an additional pair of footsteps soundbehind me and I turn around to find Quinton emerging from the restrooms.
He lifts a brow. “Is everything alright?”
“No,” I pant, putting a hand on my hip. “Damon’s definitelynotalright. He told me everything that happened with Alison. The real story, and then he?—”
Quin frowns, placing a hand on my back. “Hey, breathe, okay? Slow, deep breaths.” He mimics the rhythm and I follow. “Yes, just like that. Good.”
“Then he ran inside,” I finish, using Quin for support as I subtly lean on him. “I-I don’t know what to do. Every time I think we’ve made progress, he just shuts down again. It’s like a roller coaster, Quin. I…”It hurts to even think this, but…“I think he might leave us. I genuinely think he might just…run.”
Quin’s face falls as he rubs small circles on my back. “He needs to heal, Emery. He’s… He’s got so much pain and hurt to work through. It’s not going to be linear, it never is. But I don't think there's anything you or I can do. I know I’ve said that before, but it’s true. All we can do is support him and hope that he doesn’t think he’s a lost cause.”
I swallow, staring at the back of Damon’s head as he approaches the pastor and shakes his hand. “But what if he does, Quin? What if he does think he’s a lost cause? What then?”
Quin shrugs. “I-I don’t know, Emery. I’m sorry. I wish I did.”
I won’t let him get lost. I won’t let him fade away into the darkness. Not now. Not anymore. Not whenI’ve seen how joyous the light can be. He can stay here with me. With us.
“Let’s go.” I grab Quin’s hand. “He needs us right now.” Before taking a step, I look up at him and smile. “You’re a good man for forgiving Damon. Most people wouldn’t.”
“I had something worth forgiving him for, Emery.” He cups my cheek, his thumb stroking my skin. “I’d forgive the devil himself if that’s what it took to be with you.”
