My head jerked up. “What?”
“You’re not talking.”
“I—I don’t know what to say. But I wouldn’t say it was a mistake.” I frowned. “Would you?”
When he didn’t answer right away, my heart fluttered. A weird panic fell over me.
Tane tightly shut his eyes, then rubbed his hand over his face. “I don’t know if you are able to consent.”
“What are you talking about? I’m an adult. And I came to you.”
“Yes, you’re of age. But you aren’t here of your own free will.”
“I came to you,” I repeated.
“But I own you. You are owned.”
“No, that’s not an issue. Not last night.”
“It isn’t?”
“No. I have choices. You said so yourself. I get to pick the colors and décor for my room. I get to have money. I get to wear what I want.”
“Yes.” He still had a pained look on his face. “But I need to think about this specifically, what happened last night. Ethically.”
Ethically? What did that mean? My eyes warmed. He couldn’t mean he didn’t want me, could he?
“Because you bought me, now I can’t consent?” I whispered.
He rubbed at his face again, harder this time. “It’s not you, Kirion. It’s me.” He sounded lost. “As a businessman I think about these things. It’s important to me to be honest as well as honorable.”
Did he think what we did last night wasn’t honorable? I couldn’t believe it. I wanted it. I wanted everything with him. My body burned for him. I showed no hesitation, not one moment. I came to his room where no one was allowed and entered. If anyone wasn’t honorable it was me.
Maybe he saw that as a flaw. As failure. Maybe I wasn’t good enough for him.
“Am I unworthy because I’m a set?”
A look of horror drew his face down. “No. I didn’t mean that.”
“I know I’m not good enough. Only fit to be owned. Technically, I’m no one. A non-entity.” I set my napkin gently aside. “I’m sorry I came to you.” I stood. “I shouldn’t have. It wasn’t my place.”
Quickly, I walked from the room. When I got out of sight, I ran. Up two flights. When I reached my room I slammed the door and threw myself on my bed. My favorite pillow absorbed my tears as my body shook with sobs.
Nothing was fair. Why did my life suck so much? I wasn’t bad. I didn’t do wrong things. But I still got dealt the losing hands.
After a few minutes of self-pity, I lay with my hands linked behind my head and stared at the ceiling. I thought about what we’d done, how beautiful it had felt, how sensitive he’d been with me, to me.
I had thought I loved him. I still thought that. I wouldn’t have gone to his room last night if I didn’t want him so badly. I wanted to be near him all the time. He was like an addiction. Something you enjoyed and wanted to do again over and over. But it was more. Tane was good for me, helpful, fun. We liked the same things. We meshed so well.
But if he didn’t think the same in this way, what would I do? I lived here now. With him. We’d see each other every day. There was no avoiding that.
Had my actions made a mess of everything? Would I spend the rest of my life here in this room pretending Tane wasn’t here and that I loved him? That I had enjoyed making love with him?
I would never forget it. But I would have to live knowing it would never happen again.
More tears fell down the side of my face to my temples, hot and stinging. Now rain began to hit the windows and the roof overhead.
The weather was the perfect commentary to my day, as if to sayLook, look what you’ve done now. Kirion the set. No good. Born a prince but he couldn’t even do that right. If no beast resides within you should never have been born.
