Dr. Brett doesn’t say anything. He just watches me over the top of his glasses.
The silence stretches.
“It… didn’t feel good,” I admit finally. “Knowing your dad missed out on his life because of-” I trail off.
“Because of you?” he asks gently.
“Why are we talking about this?” I snap, pushing away from the desk and standing up. “How is any of this relevant to what’s happening with me and Jess? What does my dad’s relationship have to do with my wife cheating on me?”
Dr. Brett takes his glasses off and folds them carefully.
“Do you know why we call childhood the formative years?” he asks.
I don’t answer.
He doesn’t wait for one.
“It’s because, directly or indirectly, they affect the rest of our lives,” he says calmly. “Whether or not a child grew up in a secure household affects their ability to put themselves first, to feel safe, to trust.”
He studies me over his folded hands.
“So tell me you never felt insecure growing up,” he adds quietly, “and I’ll stop asking.”
I’m tempted to lie just to end this line of questioning.
But I can’t.
“Growing up,” I start slowly, “Dad and Darren had this bond. It was easy between them. Like they just… clicked.”
I stare past the screen, thinking back.
“Me and Dad? We clashed. Fought a lot.”
Dr. Brett nods, encouraging me to continue.
“Mom used to say it was because I reminded him of himself,” I go on. “That we were too similar.”
“And did you believe that?” he asks.
“I did,” I admit. “At least for a long time.”
I swallow.
“But when I found out everything, about Manuel, about how it all started, I couldn’t help wondering if maybe it was something else.”
“Like what?”
“Like maybe he resented me,” I say quietly. “For changing his life.”
The words sound even worse out loud.
“Have you ever spoken to your father about this?” Dr. Brett asks.
I let out a short laugh and sit back down.
“Feelings aren’t really something West men talk about.”
Dr. Brett gives me a small smile and puts his glasses back on.
