“Fucking hell, you and Hol are really struggling, huh?” he comments and I glare at him again.
“What do you know, brother?” I demand, and he gives me a sad smile.
“I know your girl is struggling with guilt,” he mentions, and I frown as he explains, “She won’t come out to the gates, and Matty explained that when Caleb is around, she looks ready to fall apart out of guilt. He thinks she thinks, she’s taken away his mama.”
“Sheis his mama,” I growl, and Ace smiles.
“I know,” he agrees, “but taking a life, you know how much it can consume you. Taking the life of a child’s mother that looks up to you, yeah, that shit is bound to fuck you up, and it has fucked her up, Alex, big fucking time.”
I turn away, placing the bolt in the tray as I try to control my breathing. I feel like a fucking rabid dog that is being held back by a leash and the longer Hol takes to speak to me, the more feral I feel. Honestly, I never thought I’d have these kinds of feelings towards a woman after what happened with Cheryl who by the way, the cops found in an alley where the Pillars used to deal. They believe she was part of their group and was killed out of retaliation for whoever they fucked over when they were dismantled.
Holly is my fucking universe, and I’m lost without her, lost without Lyra, whom I’ve only just spoken to on the phone at bedtime, making it even more difficult. Having her yesterdayevening doesn’t fucking count, she should be at home always along with her mama.
"She was never a mother to him," I mutter.
Ace hums in agreement but reminds me, "Holly is a mother, so that’s how she’ll see it. She’s struggling, brother. Matty said this is her way of making sense of things—blocking people out, like she did last week after nearly losing her job. But now, with blood on her hands, it’s taking her longer to come to terms with it and he mentioned that her father is even threatening to come down because of how closed off she’s become."
“And what happens when she comes to the wrong terms?” I demand as I face him, “What happens if she comes to the conclusion that Caleb and I are better off without her?”
He shrugs, then mentions, “Kidnap?”
I can’t help the lip twitch at how seriously the fucker said it.
“God help whatever woman falls for you, brother,” I say, and he snorts, “Never going to happen, I like being single, I like the easy life because right now, what you are going through, what Holly is going through, is my kind of fucking hell.”
“If the one comes, brother, I don’t think you’ll have a choice. I felt the same way as you, but then in walked Holly—”
“Don’t you mean, in shoved Holly by your seven-year-old?” he asks, cutting me off, and I chuckle but agree.
"Yeah, in shoved Holly by my stubborn seven-year-old and she took my breath away instantly. I knew not to fight the connection, despite being dead set on not meeting her. She’s my fucking everything, brother. When you do fall—which I believe you will—it will knock you on your ass," I say but he shakes his head as my phone beeps.
“Like I said, never going to happen,” he says in denial, and I chuckle as I get my phone out of my overall pocket, opening up the text thread between Dad and me.
Dad:
I have Lyra at the clubhouse, she’s spending the weekend.
“Fuck,” I choke, and Ace questions, “What?”
“Lyra’s at the clubhouse,” I answer before running towards the door not giving a fuck about the garage or the car I’m supposed to be servicing, Ace right on my heels.
My little girl is home, she’s fucking home.
Now I just need her mama.
***
I rush into the clubhouse ten minutes later, and instantly my eyes latch onto Lyra running around with Caleb, and everything in me loosens seeing her here, where she is safe, just as Ace chuckles, “As I said, let her have the breather.”
“Holly didn’t even ask,” a voice says to my right and I lock eyes with my dad, who explains, “I walked into her classroom and Holly didn’t even ask why I was there. She packed Lyra’s things and just asked ifyouwere having her for the night or the weekend. I told her the weekend, and she didn’t argue.”
Fuck…
“I haven’t lost her yet,” I choke, hope building.
Dad squeezes my shoulder and admits, “I don’t think you’ll lose her at all. Even if you did kidnap her and tie her to your bed, she’d stick around. She’s just struggling,” he clears his throat and I look his way as he adds, “What happened brought stuff up for her. She said her first boyfriend cheated before he died…”
I frown but nod, not really seeing how that can compare to what happened, I mean, the cheating shit, yeah, that probably did bring back some memories, if she had seen it with her two eyes, but the dying bit, it doesn’t make sense.
