I shouldn’t snap but it’s not like Mom is with it enough to give a shit. Thankfully, it has the desired effect. The door opens and she steps out… not dressed. Nina laid out her black dress and her favourite necklace Dad gave her on their first Christmas together. She even paired it with her black heels. I know this because I stood in the doorway watching, finding it surreal she had to wear another black dress for another loved one.
“Why aren’t you dressed?” I can’t help the bite in my tone.
She pushes past me and walks into her room. “I’m not going.”
The urge to ram my fist into the bedroom door fills me. She grabs at her dress and tosses it on the floor. She pulls back the comforter and climbs into bed.
“What do you mean, you’re not going?”
“I mean exactly what I said. I’m not going.”
There’s no anger or sadness. Only a stubbornness that I recognise from the days after India.
“Of course you’re fuckin’ going. It’s hisfuneral.”
“I know what it is.”
Losing my temper, I unleash, “Then get fuckin’ dressed. You’re going, and we’re leaving soon.”
“You need to listen to me, Zachery…”
Cutting her off, I demand, “No, you need to listen to me. You don’t get to do this again, like with India. I need you, Mom. I lostmy dad. Sebastian and Rayna lost their grandpa, they need you. You can’t ignore usorwhat’s happening.”
Her glare softens into a long stare, but she begrudgingly gets out of bed and snatches her dress up from the floor.
I go to thank her but think twice. I close her door and make my way downstairs. In the living room, Sebastian is slouched on the couch, no doubt Nina will give him grief about creasing his black shirt. I can’t be sure what he’s thinking or feeling. Ever since we told him his grandpa had died, he hasn’t said a word to us, and he hasn’t shed a tear either. I've heard him talking with Rayna and because of that, I’m not too worried. He wasn’t born when India died, this is the first significant death and he’s handling this his own way. I find Nina out in the back yard, staring up the sky. Though she’s not looking at the grey looming clouds, her eyes are closed. I slide my arms around her, making her jump. She quickly realises it’s me and relaxes in my hold.
“How are you doing?” she asks.
“It doesn’t matter, I need all my energy on mom today.”
She turns in my arms. “Of course it matters how you feel. You’ve just lost your dad.”
Shaking my head, I tell her, “I’ll deal with me later. I just need to get her through the day.”
The back door opens and Sebastian steps out. “Will grandpa be there today, where we’re going?”
Nina sighs sadly and steps away from me.
“I told you, baby, Grandpa has gone to Heaven.” She speaks softly with him until they’re back in the house and out of ear shot.
I don’t blame my son. It’s not truly sinking in for me either. I keep expecting him to walk through the door. I light a joint and inhale deeply. Hoping this is a nightmare doesn’t work. There is no waking up from this bad dream. One minute Dad was taking cover behind a fire pit and then minutes later he was riddledwith bullets. Squeezing my eyes shut, I wait until the memories are gone. It helps when I hear motorcycles coming up the street. I take another hit on my joint. I want to be fully numbed before Mom comes into contact with the club. Cas and Sparky wanted Dad to leave the club to go to the cemetery, one last ride with his brothers, but she was adamant she was doing it her way.
“Get away from him!” I hear Mom shriek.
Draining the rest of my joint, it burns between my fingers, and I dash it before rushing into the house.
Leo, Cas, and JJ, are stood in the living room, Sparky is crouched down talking to my son. Mom grabs Seb’s arm and pulls him to her side.
“Mom!” I step farther into the living room and guide Sebastian over to Nina. She ushers him out of the room and Mom’s anger is dancing along a knife’s edge.
“You have some nerve showing up here,” she spits out.
I’m sure it’s aimed at Cas, but she glares at them all. My mom has made it clear over the years how she feels about the club. There is no love lost between the club and my mother, but she needs to remember that Dad was a huge part of their lives and they’re hurting just as much as she is.
“What did you think we were gonna do, Kris?” Cas asks, then adds, “He was our brother. No one will stop us from saying our goodbyes. Not even you.”
I move closer to my mom, not trusting her to physically lash out.
