“He got me rock Legos,” I said.
“You mentioned that,” Violet said softly. “A few times.”
I had? “It was a perfect gift.”
“You said that too,” Lily pointed out.
I clamped my mouth shut. Heat seared the backs of my eyes. “It was really sweet.” Horror filled me as a hot tear washed down my cheek. I batted at my face. “Hormones.”
“You love him.” Poppy wasn’t asking a question, but I shook my head.
“Of course I care about him. We’re frie?—”
“Literally don’t ever say that again.” Lily didn’t usually interrupt like that, but she’d gotten more outspoken with all of us since the divorce from her deadbeat first husband. “You care about Van way more than just a friend, and I’d be willing to bet he feels the same way.”
I chewed on my lower lip. “No.” They all stared at me. “It’s not going to work. Van’s a great guy.” Nice. Thoughtful. Good in bed. But he’s off somewhere private, being a great guy with someone he hasn’t told me about. If he was alone, then he chose that over me. “But he has his own life.”
Violet rolled her eyes. “At Thanksgiving, he looked like he wanted to be stuck all over you.”
“He didn’t come here today, did he?” I snapped. Crap. I was strung tight, and I couldn’t blame hormones. “He’s only had good things to say about all of you, but he still made other plans.” Without me.
“You don’t know what he’s doing?”
A vise gripped my heart. “Nope. Like I said, he’s moved on with his own life. The man is single, and he can mingle all he wants.”
“I’m sorry,” Violet murmured. “But I don’t buy it. It’s been less than a month. He’s not mingling, and he’s not doing it on Christmas.”
“We should’ve made him come,” Poppy said.
I should’ve made him come with me. Just the two of us road-tripping. “I put the invite out more than once. Trust me, if he wanted to be with me on Christmas, he would be.” My sisters seemed to want there to be some star-crossed love between us. Maybe I did too, and that was why I had to move on. “He’s got a lot of business travel coming up. I’m sure he’s preparing for his pitches.”
“What if he thinks you’re the one who wants space?” Violet asked.
My ribs closed around my lungs. “I can’t.”
Triumph filled Poppy’s face. “So you do want more?” She threw her hands in the air. “Finally, we’re getting somewhere.”
“We’re getting nowhere.” I folded my hands across my stomach. “I’ve told you all how it is. Can we drop it?” My volume ratcheted up. “He’s the best person I’ve met—my family aside.” The sting was back in my eyes. I blinked back tears. “He’s focused, and while he takes care of me, he does it because he’s got a big, good heart.”
Poppy snorted. “Is that all that’s big?”
I tried to glare at her. “Big organs aside.”
Lily snickered and closed her hands around her mug of hot chocolate. “What if he doesn’t know that you want him as much as he wants you?” I opened my mouth, but she shook her head, warning me not to interrupt. “What if you both are pining away and wanting what you think is best for the other person when what’s best is actually the two of you taking a chance.”
I tried to answer, but no sound came out. The problem was Van was the best guy I’d ever met. He was everything I would want for the father of my baby and for a life partner. The stakes of rejection were higher than they’d ever been. I cleared my throat. “I can’t be rejected. Not by him.”
Van didn’t break the news that way, but it was how I felt.
“Oh, Clover.” Violet leaned over and grabbed my shoulder. “Sometimes you have to put yourself out there. Same with Van.”
Poppy studied me, her lower lip stuck out. I tensed, automatically knowing that I wouldn’t like what she had to say. “Maybe you’re right.”
She might as well have dropped a brick on my heart.
“If neither of you is willing to take a chance on the other,” she continued, “then I guess that means neither of you is the one.”
Van
