“Yes.” Which sibling spilled that detail? Bunch of gossips.
“And that was after pumpkin day, when you two would always be sneaking peeks at each other.”
“I was not.” Was he?
“Why fight it? He seems like a decent guy. I wasn’t sure since he’s related to Elijah and lived in his parents’ basement, but I didn’t want to get hung up on a stereotype. And then he cut his hair for you.”
“I didn’t ask him to. His long hair was fine.”
“His long hair needed a trim. You could tell he just couldn’t be bothered with it. Until he was saying ‘I do’ to you.”
I thought about his little self-makeover. He’d trimmed a foot of hair off and wore a suit. At home, he kept his hair combed, and he cooked and cleaned with me. We were a balanced pair, and that was significant. Elijah hadn’t put those things on me to do, but he had dry cleaners and delivery services, and those were fine, but I also liked caring for my own place. The other amenities were decent, but I didn’t think I was above doing them myself, and that was where the difference hid. Van didn’t make himself feel important by acting like he was better than others.
“So why is Van a problem?” Poppy asked.
He was a problem because he couldn’t be a solution. “He swooped in to save me. Poppy, when Elijah left, I was stranded in another state. I had no home, no money, and barely a job. I know you all would’ve taken me in, but without Van, I still wouldn’t have a home.” I had a job, but I didn’t have money. “I have to be self-sufficient. I was stuck in that hotel room, with no fiancé, looking at the big ol’ zero in my bank account. I’m not doing it again. I’m going to get an apartment. I’m going to pay rent. I’m going to build up everything that asshole took from me. And I’m going to raise this kid to be better than his dad.”
“And Van has no role in all of that?”
My heart twisted. He did—as an uncle. “He has his own dreams, and I’m not going to be just another woman in his life who sabotages him. He needs to be free to go wherever he needs to—whenever he needs to.”
“I see.”
Good. Because I saw it clear as a sunny day, and repeating it all still made me want to cry, and I couldn’t blame my pregnancy hormones for that.
I smoothed a hand over the bodice of the shirt I was trying on. My stomach was rounded in full-baby-bump territory.
Violet smiled from her chair. She had one leg crossed over the other, and one foot was bobbing. “Is it comfortable?”
Laughing, I pivoted to see how it draped in the back. That was the first question she asked with each article of clothing I tried on. I had to drive to Williston for some in-person meetings later in the month, and I’d need a few business casual outfits.
“It’s very comfy.” The pants were too. They had buttons so I could let out more material until I ran out. Depending on how big I got, I could wear these until birth. “I might work in pajamas at home though.” Sticker shock was real.
“I wore Evander’s sweaters toward the end. I think Daisy had on Alder’s basketball shorts once.”
“He probably went out and bought ten more pairs just for her.”
“You know he did.”
I went into the dressing room to change back into my regular clothes. When I came out, Violet was smiling into her phone. From the way she was grinning, I didn’t have to see who texted her to know. “Willa swears there’s an abandoned cat at the end of the drive, and Evander’s been walking the road for an hour calling ‘kitty, kitty, kitty’ at her insistence.”
I wanted that. I wanted that dreamy smile. I wanted the husband at home with the kids, letting me know all of the sweet things he would do for them. Ugh. Someday. When I wouldn’t be financially ruined if that husband ran off.
My talk with Poppy had weighed heavily on me, and I had woken up both mornings since curled against Van’s side. If he woke when I pried myself away from him, I couldn’t tell. Neither of us could afford to get close.
As we were walking out of the store, Violet hit her fob. “Where else do you want to go?”
“I should get back.” The fatigue had hit hard today, and the chilly nip in the air only made me think of cozy blankets and warm mugs of cider. “Van was going to do some fall cleanup in the yard, and I said I’d clean the inside if he did that.”
“Is he the type to have done it all before you get home?”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation.
“That’s sweet.”
I tensed and waited for more questioning, like what happened with Poppy, but we got into her car. We chatted all the way home, and my anticipation cranked higher. Van was in the yard in a loose hoodie and jeans that framed his long legs as if they’d been tailored for him. Behind his pickup, a few garbage bags were piled in the opening of the garage. He lifted his head, and with the backward hat, I was mesmerized.
Computer-nerd Van was devastating, but yard-work Van could get me pregnant without touching me…if I already wasn’t.
