“Celeste?” a familiar voice called out, snapping me from my thoughts.
Looking up, I was met with a pair of soft brown eyes that matched mine. Phillip was well into his late fifties but looked nothing like it. I knew he’d served twenty years in the army and old habits die hard. He was just as tall as Shane, standing about six foot three. For an older man, his hairline was fully intact as he sported a head full of deep black waves with gray strands mixed in. His smooth brown skin and lean physique let me know he took good care of himself. When I slid out from the booth, his eyes lowered right to my belly. I was now six months along, so there was no hiding this boy. Pulling me into his arms, Phillip was careful not to hurt the baby as he squeezed me as hard as he could.
“Wow…I can’t believe this is happening right now. I halfway expected this to be some type of cruel joke when I got here. But it’s really you. My one and only daughter. The last time I held you in my arms, your mother was fighting with you while combing your hair. I’ve tried to imagine what you looked like countless times after all these years. You look the exact same since I last saw you.”
Smiling, I tried my best to keep the happy tears at bay. There was so much going through my head that I had to sit down.
“It’s good to finally meet you. I’ve been asking my mother about you since I could remember,” I admitted as I slid into the booth.
“Like I told you over the phone, I spent years looking for you and your mother. I went to her old apartment countless timesbut never had any luck. I searched the Gwendal phonebooks and called anyone with a last name even close to hers. All led to dead ends. I searched high and low for so long, and years later, decided to give up. I prayed so many nights for God to lead you to me. I prayed that He healed the broken heart I caused your mother.”
The server approached our booth before I got a chance to respond. Wishing like hell I could have an alcoholic beverage, I ordered a strawberry lemonade with chicken tenders and fries. After Phillip put his order in, the server let us know he’d be back shortly before ambling off.
“What happened with you and my mother? How did you meet her if you’re from North Carolina?”
“At the time, your mother was traveling with an old friend. Her name was Sherrie. Their friendship didn’t last past me and your mother’s relationship, so I doubt you’d know who she was. Anyway, they came down one weekend for a festival. When I laid eyes on Cora, I knew I wouldn’t be leaving without her number. The problem was, I was young and very much married. Me and my ex-wife had only been married for a year and neither of us knew what it meant to be a spouse. She had dreams she wanted to chase and I had a wandering eye,” he explained.
“Why get married then? It sounds like you weren’t ready.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing. Shelby had just had our son and I felt it was only right that I make an honest woman out of her. Plus, she’d get more benefits with me being in the service. We were two young adults who thought love would be enough to sustain a marriage.”
“Did she know about me and my mother?” I quizzed, peering deep into his eyes.
Phillip exhaled and took a sip of water before giving me his full attention.
“Not at first. There was a lot going on, baby girl. Your mother was my escape. She was my safe place from all my problems. We lived in our own bubble when we were together. The shit truly felt like an alternate universe. She understood me and I understood her. I’m not sure how much you know about your grandmother, but she wasn’t a nice lady. Not to Cora anyway. Your mother was a free spirit who lived by her own set of rules. Your grandparents, Paul and Colleen, didn’t like that. They were pastors with their own church. Having a daughter they had no control over wasn’t a good look to a congregation.
“Once she got pregnant with you, they pretty much disowned her. She was young and unmarried and that didn’t sit right with them. When that happened, Cora took the bus to North Carolina and showed up at my momma’s house. Me and Shelby just happened to be there and that was when the secret came to the light. There I was, standing in my mother’s living room, stuck between two women I loved very much. Seeing them both so heartbroken nearly killed me. Neither of them deserved the pain I caused. ’Till this day, hurting them is still my biggest regret.
“Since my mother knew the situation, she let Cora stay at the house with her. She was supposed to get a job and save up for an apartment, but she couldn’t stay away from Gwendal. Your mother moved back and moved in with Sherrie until she finally got her own place. During that time, my divorce had been finalized and I was truly trying to find myself. Your mother never held back her feelings of wanting to be a family, but I couldn’t. Not that soon after leaving one failed marriage.”
I could tell from Phillip’s body language that reliving the past was hurtful. I wasn’t trying to open old wounds, but he was the only person I’d get my answers from. Listening to him talk, I wished my mother would’ve had one last conversation with him before she passed. I think it would’ve healed them both,especially my mother. She held onto all that pain until the day she was lowered into the ground and I hated that.
“What’s confusing me is, my mother seemed to think you wanted to be with everyone but her. Apparently, you were on the phone with a new woman when she came over there the day of my birthday party,” I added.
“I was, but it wasn’t like that. That was the last time I saw your mother’s face. She left the house so fast and seemingly disappeared. The woman I was on the phone with was someone I’d been involved with before I got with my ex-wife. She was calling to see how I’d been. I admit I was wrong for letting the conversation go further than it should have, but I had no intention of circling back to an old fling. It would’ve been unfair of me to ask your mother to wait for me to get my shit together, so I didn’t. However, I never would’ve thought I’d never see her again. I’m not saying this because Cora was your mother, but because it’s the truth. Had I found you and her again, she would’ve been my wife. I just needed time to get my shit together. I wanted to be better for her, but she didn’t give me the chance to say that or prove myself.
“When you told me she passed away, I damn near had a heart attack. This wasn’t the way our story was supposed to end. I wasn’t supposed to miss years of your life over past mistakes. Life is unfair as fuck sometimes, but I’ll be okay,” he said as his eyes watered.
Unable to help myself, I slid from my side of the booth and scooted next to him. He wrapped his arm around me and rested his chin on my head as I sobbed for us both. Part of me was heartbroken that my mother wasn’t here to share this moment with us. Another part of me thanked the Lord for giving me a chance to bond with my only living parent. From here on out, I vowed to not dwell on the past and things that could’ve been. I’dcherish the time I had with Phillip and look forward to the time we spent together in the future.
While we continued to wait for our food to come out, Phillip showed me pictures of my older brother Tyrell and his daughter Kia. According to him, the family couldn’t wait to see me. Since I still had time before I wouldn’t be able to travel, I decided I’d talk to Shane about going to North Carolina for a three-day weekend. That way I could see everyone and still spend time with Phillip. He also informed me that he had gotten remarried when he was in his late thirties, but he and his current wife had no children together.
Once we finally left the restaurant, he asked me to take him to see my mother. Going to her final resting place wasn’t somewhere I frequented. Honestly, I hadn’t been back since the day her headstone was placed. When the weather broke, I went every so often to put fresh flowers down, but that was it. When we made it to my mother’s plot, I stood back and allowed Phillip to have a few minutes of privacy. I knew there were things he wanted to get off his chest, rightfully so. I joined him not long after and more tears were shed. As heavy as the situation was, my heart felt lighter and like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
“Enough with all this crying. I have a bunch of pictures I want you to look through. I’d also like to meet your fiancé. I need to see the man you’re marrying,” Phillip said as we walked to the car from the plot.
“He wants to meet you as well. His parents extended an invitation for dinner tonight. Now that my mother is gone, they’re truly the only family I have. Them and my best friend. Her name is Jade and she’ll also be at dinner. She’s the godmother of the baby,” I let him know.
“Okay…sounds like a plan. And the godfather?”
“Shane’s friend for over twenty years. His name is Terry, but everyone calls him Tripp.”
“Okay. I guess I need to meet them anyway. I’m sure I’ll be competing with them when it comes to spending time with the baby,” he joked.
“That’s true. Shane’s mother, Lynn, will absolutely be competition. We haven’t even set a date for the baby shower yet and she’s already buying things. She turned one of her spare bedrooms into a room for the baby. I figure with Shane’s work schedule I’ll spend a lot of time over there anyway. I’ve never had any experience raising a child, so I’m gonna take all the help she’s willing to give,” I admitted.
The baby’s arrival had been a topic Shane and I discussed frequently. He’d take the first three weeks off and work from his home studio. Lynn agreed to come over daily for however long I needed her. I kept telling her I wouldn’t want to bother her for long, but she insisted on being an invested grandmother. Since she didn’t work and had her husband back home, I knew she meant every word. Although I had people lined up to support me, I was still nervous about the delivery. I’d heard so many horror stories about labor and didn’t think I’d be mentally prepared to go through so much. Lynn told me everyone’s experience was different, but I was still nervous.
