There’s no fear or pity in his expression. Just quiet understanding. Compassion. Instead of pulling away from me with what I told him, he gravitates more toward me. His brows pull slightly inward.
“Your Nana sounds like an amazing woman. One I wish I could’ve gotten the chance to know.”
“She’d kick you in the ass for being afraid to be who you are,” I choke out with a mix of laughter and fighting tears.
“Maybe that’s what I need. How did she take it when you came out?” he asks again.
“Actually, I don’t think it was that I came out to her. When I was sixteen, she took me to a club—”
“She what?” Malcolm blurts, interrupting me.
“Yeah, she knew the owners. It wasn’t just any club; it was an LGBTQ+ club here in town. Back then it was considered to be underground, but it was commonly known that’s what it was. It was then that she set me down and explained that she knew who I was and reassured me that I was perfect. That I didn’t need to care what anyone else thought of me or how they saw me, that I needed to be me. To own it and live my best life.”
“Did it happen that night?” he asks, genuinely curious.
“No. I still wasn’t ready to be open. It was hard in high school. It wasn't until I went away to college that my journey of self-discovery and happiness began. If it weren’t for Nana and her support, I don’t know that I would’ve. I’d probably be sitting here in the same boat as you twenty years from now.”
I lift the bottle of beer to my lips and take a deep swallow, my throat parched from talking so much. When I glance upward, I can see him gazing off into space, maybe regretting some of the choices he’s made in his life. He can’t do that, though.
“Stop,” I tell him harshly.
“Stop what?” he asks.
“Second guessing.”
“It’s hard not to,” he sighs, his voice cracking at the end.
“Look at it this way. Your choices were right for you at the time. Think about it. If you came out years ago, you wouldn’t have met Paige, your best friend, the mother of your children. Which leads to them. They wouldn’t be here. Can you honestly imagine your life without them? We make choices, good or bad. But the wonderful thing is no matter which one you make, something great can come from it. So never regret hiding who you are until you’re ready to be you.”
He doesn’t say a word, just leans forward, wrapping his arms around mine, resting his face in the crook of my neck as he breaks down. The tears freely falling, soaking my skin.
“Thank you,” he mumbles. “I needed to hear that.”
I wrap my arm around him, careful not to spill my beer and comfort him, happy that I’m able to give him a little of what he needs at this time.
We stay like that for a few minutes before he pulls away.
“I’m just so scared of how my kids are going to take this. What they’ll think of me.”
“I think you’re worrying for nothing. So what’s your first step, coming out to your kids or stepping out in public?”
He takes a deep breath. “Public,” he states boldly. “I want to be carefree stepping out with a man on my arm, and show him affection without fear or hesitation.”
“Then what do we do next? Do you want another date with us hanging out here? Do you want to jump right into going somewhere in public? We can go to another town.”
“You’d do that? Maybe go somewhere for the weekend?” he asks.
“Yeah. But we’d have to work around the Rent-a -Date website. You can only book eight hours a day. But what Foxy doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” I tease him.
He just grins widely, biting on his lower lip as he stares right through my soul. I think I’m going to have more fun helping him than I originally intended. It doesn’t hurt that he’s hot as hell. My very own daddy dream comes true.
Chapter 12
Bradley
Subject: New Booking – URGENT RESPONSE NEEDED
Iopentheemail,alreadyknowing that it may be the booking for this weekend with Malcolm. Since our first meeting a week ago, I’ve met him one more time at his house for dinner, and I even got to bring leftovers home again. We talked more that night about how he wanted to handle things when we venture out into the public. It was something we needed to work on so that he would be comfortable for when we take the next step—him being able to do physical touch with people around. We watched a movie and held hands the entire time, my head resting on his shoulder. It was tense at first for him, but he gradually loosened up. So much so that we both ended up falling asleep. When I finally woke up in the middle of the night, ourbodies had shifted and we were lying down with me half on top of him and his arms around me. I carefully slipped out of them, wrote him a note, and quietly slipped out of the apartment after covering him up with a throw blanket.
