“Yes,” he answers simply, his voice deep and gravelly. He reaches down, opens the cabinet door and pulls out a few tupperware containers. Malcolm meticulously divides up the remaining pasta and fills the plastic containers, then hands the casserole dish to me.
I quickly rinse and place it in the dishwasher along with the other pans still on the stove. “We make a good team. You cook and I help clean.” We both laugh and it feels natural. Being here with him, in his home. It doesn’t feel as if I’m a bought date but instead someone he chooses to spend his time with. Malcolm places the lids on the containers, then puts one in the refrigerator, leaving the other where it is. “This is for you, so don't forget it.” He winks. “Let’s get something else to drink and head to the living room to finish our conversation from earlier.”
“Sounds good.” I toss my empty bottle into the trash as he hands me another beer, choosing to get a glass of wine for himself.
We settle onto his black leather couch, angling toward each other.
“Okay now, spill. Tell me the tea.”
“Simple. Like I told you, I’ve not come out with my sexuality. My ex is fully out and wants our relationship to move forward. I wasn’t ready. He ended our relationship.”
“Shit, that sucks. How long were you together?”
“As a couple, a little over a year after my divorce. But we’ve known each other longer.”
I let out a sigh, my finger tapping on the cold green glass of my beer. The hard thing is I feel for Malcolm, but I get his boyfriend’s position as well.
“It’s obvious you’re still in love with this man, so why am I here?”
His face goes slack as he goes white. Something tells me it’s not for him to move on. Or for a casual hookup after our time ends tonight.
“Let me preface by saying it might sound bad, but it really isn’t.” Malcolm takes a sip of his wine, lowering his gaze so that he’s looking at his lap instead of me.
“Well, when you say something like that, it makes it seem like it is. But I’m not your boyfriend, or a love interest. Just a man you rented for the night, so you don’t need to worry about hurting my feelings.”Why did that sting a little bit?
“I just don’t want you to think I’m an asshole.” He glances away, but not fast enough to hide the flicker of regret in his eyes.
“Malcolm, I don’t and honestly, I don’t think there’s anything you can say that will make me have that opinion of you.”
“You say that now. I want to win him back, but I need to come out. I figured using Foxy’s, I could get used to dating a man, then slowly move to being open with my sexuality in public. Once I can do that, I was planning to tell my family.” He pauses, breathing heavy.
“There’s more, isn’t there?”
“Yeah, I was wondering how you came out to your family? Were you always out? Did you struggle with it? While I worry about telling my parents and hope the shock doesn’t kill them, I’m more concerned about my children.”
“Is that it? You just want me to tell you my story?” Somehow, I don’t think that’s it. I can see the pensive look in his eyes, the slight way his lips part, and I know he’s about to tell me what I’m thinking is a hundred percent true.
“I wasn’t sure at first if I wanted to ask you this or if I just wanted to continue to see others on the site. But I feel comfortable with you. The conversation is easy, and well, youseem to understand. Honestly, I’m not sure if I could be this open with anyone else. And I was wondering if I could use you to get past my insecurities. Obviously, I’ll pay for your time through Foxy’s.”
I don’t answer right away. I let his words sink in. Malcolm is vulnerable at this moment, and it’s evident he’s in love with this man. Do I want to be his—for lack of a better word—rebound, priming him to be the man that can win back the heart of the man he loves?
My mind runs over and over how I feel about it. But what hits me the hardest is that Malcolm hiring me would be steady income, getting me one step closer to paying off the debt I owe. He’s easy on the eyes, so it’s not like it’s a hardship and I’d be doing a good deed. Rebuilding a broken love. I could add Cupid to my list of attributes on the website.
“Seems like we’re going to be getting to know each other well. But, while we’ll go at your pace, you have to be willing to step out of the box. Otherwise, this isn’t going to work, and you’re going to lose your man to someone else.”
“That’s why I’m doing this. I know he loves me, but I don’t expect him to wait forever.” I can see the love in his eyes when he talks about him. The tiny flicker and the way his lips turn up into a smile.
“Okay then. Let’s get down to the questions before we concoct our ‘Malcolm coming out like a rockstar to win his man back’ plan. First of all, my grandmother pretty much raised me, so it was her I came out to, not my parents. Not that I think they’d have minded one way or another.” I turn more toward him, resting my arm on the back of the couch, my fingertips grazing his arm.
“What happened to your parents?”
“They were killed in a car accident.” I really hope he doesn’t push for more. I really don’t feel like going down that memorytonight. While it’s been a long time since it happened, it still hits hard.
“I’m sorry, Bradley.” Malcolm places his hand on mine, giving it a gentle, comforting squeeze.
“It’s okay. Even though it’s been a long time, it still hurts like it was yesterday. But my Nana was awesome. She took great care of me and made sure their memory lived on for me. She made it like they were there for every big occasion in my life. I’m going to miss that.”
Malcolm doesn't rush to speak. He just looks at me as if he were my shelter in a withering storm. His eyes soften, the tension in his face easing into something gentle, like he’s holding my pain in his hands along with his.
