Could I afford an apartment on just the income from the diner? Maybe I could ask another student if we could split the rent cost. I didn’t want to live with my mom, because, yes, Calvin and Harry were creepy.
But those questions will just have to wait until I go to bed tonight. First, I need to decide what to tell my mom when I show up unannounced so early in the morning.
I lied. Told her I just wanted to visit for the day, maybe have a picnic, and stay the night binge watching a television series like we used to do. She apologized to Calvin for changing their plans for the day, but since she didn’t see me as often, she’d take the opportunity.
Once we turn the TV off, she walks me to the bedroom they’d originally made for me. Beside Harry’s. I hide the shudder from her as she opens the door, and tell her goodnight.
I move across the room, dropping down on the bed, and let the darkness take over. Only the soft hues of moonlight drifting into the room.
Darkness. A perfect shade of betrayal.
I lay down, curling in on myself as the weight of everything settles on my chest. My lungs ache with the effort to breathe past the tightness. I’m so tired. Not physically—emotionally. Every part of my being is screaming, confused and torn, trying to reconcile the truth of their actions with the way my heart still beats for them.
They lied. Every bit of this started with a lie. Each of my relationships with them is based on a deception on their part.
They came into my life pretending. Playing parts in their own little story. Hiding behind masks, secret glances, and calculated words. Watching me. Studying me. Not out of affection, not at first—but out of some twisted plan. How can love grow from something like that?
Can I believe them when they say they love me?
Is that just another lie? Just one more way to toy with me, playing games with my heart.
I let out a sigh, pressing the heels of my hands into my eyes, willing the tears to stop. I’ve cried enough. It doesn’t help. It never does.
And yet… I remember Ezra’s arms around me. The way he looks at me affectionately. Roxy and her ability to make me give into my desires. How her touches make my heart skip a beat. The way they both listen when I speak. The way they encourage me, even when I doubt myself.
It wasn’t fake. It couldn’t be.
Even in the lies, there were truths. Even in the chaos, there was love.
I felt it. I still feel it, now that I know the truth.
Their love is there. I can feel it in the way they both supported me, cared for me, and allowed me the space to be me. It doesn’t make what they did right. It doesn’t erase the betrayal. But damn it, my heart still beats for them, even when I want to scream at the insanity of it.
Can I really do this?
Let them in. Forgive them. Choose love over logic.
They’re not killers, just stupid in the way they choose to show love. But in its own sick way, it’s romantic. They love me so much they were willing to go to the extremes that they did.
From what feels like ages ago, my mother’s voice echoes in my mind—stern, disapproving, clipped. “You deserve better than tohave someone who plays games with your heart. You’re stronger than this, Felicity. Don’t be foolish.”
But I’m not my mother.
And this—this messy, complicated, soul-aching connection—is mine. This is my story. My heart. My life.
What do I do?
Chapter 31
Roxy
It’sbeentwodayssince she left. Went to stay at my dad’s house. I hate that she’s there and not here. I’d even prefer her to be at Ezra’s.
Me: Felicity, please just tell me you’re ok?
Me: I love you so much. I know I lied. Our relationship started with a lie, but my feelings for you were the truth.
Me: Please just think about the three of us being together. I know it can work. We can all be happy.
