“What the fuck am I doing here?”I question myself internally.
They’ve been coming to the restaurant for a while now. Lorna, Chad, and their families. They’re a unique bunch, to say the least. Both of them have more than one partner and they don’t seem to care. I mean, I can see the appeal in it. But this. This is different. I know what they do, the business they own. It’s so unlike me.
“Why am I even here?”
I’m so lost in thought, I don’t even realize that they’ve finished talking until Lorna’s sharp voice slices through my daze, pulling me back to the present.
“Felicity.”
I blink, shaking my head. “Sorry.”
Lorna smiles, though there’s a knowing glint in her eye. She leans back in her chair, her arms folding over her chest. “You’re nervous,” she states.
Not sure what to say at first, I shrug while giving her an awkward smile. “A little. Maybe? I’m not sure,” I reply.
Great. I’m doing it again.
My disjointed thoughts sometimes cause my words to sound incoherent, often turning into an unintended rambling session.
Her phone buzzes against the desk, and she glances at the screen. Picking it up, her eyes scan what she’s looking at before her fingers fly over the keyboard, tapping out a reply to whatever message she got. Lorna sets it back down on her desk and refocuses on me. “Don’t be. There’s no need.” She pauses for a moment, sitting forward in her chair, placing her arms on her desk. “Chad’s in the elevator. Once he gets here, we’ll eat, and talk.”
She doesn’t elaborate, or give me even the slightest clue about what she wants to talk to me about. The not knowing isn’t doing anything for my nerves. I don’t know if I’ll be able to eat a bite of food when Chad does get here with it.
I nod, but my stomach is in knots. This conversation—whatever it is—feels like a looming cloud over me, ready to burst into a storm at any moment. Lorna isn’t someone who wastes time. I just wish I knew what she wanted to speak to me about today. The not knowing has me on edge.
“I know you have a lot on your plate,” Lorna continues. “I remember being a student, having to work my ass off. It’s hard, but you’ll come out on the other side a better person. A stronger person.”
“Thank you,” I whisper. What Lorna probably doesn’t understand is how much those words mean to me. How close to home they hit.
A few minutes later, the door swings open, and Chad steps in, the scent of warm food following him. He’s carrying bags from a local deli, one I’ve never had the luxury of trying, but have passed many times. Takeout isn’t something I can afford these days. Not with having to help keep a roof over our heads and pay for college.
“Let’s eat. It was agonizing smelling this in my car the whole way here and not being able to eat it.” Chad groans, setting the bags down on Lorna’s desk. His laughter is easy, infectious, as he has Lorna grinning along with him, but I can’t bring myself to join.
He doles out the food before sitting down and opening his sandwich, the crinkling of the paper filling the room.
“Go ahead and eat, Felicity. I know you have to be going soon and we have a lot to talk about.” Chad gestures toward my sandwich as he takes a large bite of his.
“Okay,” I mumble, as I slowly open the sandwich and take a small bite of the turkey club. My eyes widen as a burst of flavor hits my tongue. A soft moan escapes my mouth before I can stop it. I can feel my face heating from embarrassment as soon as I do it.
“It’s good, isn’t it?” Chad grins, scooting his chair closer to the desk.
I nod, unable to deny it. “Really good.” Lifting my hand, I cover my mouth while I speak so I’m not flashing them a mouthful of unchewed food.
Lorna waits until we’ve all taken a few bites before she sets her sandwich down and wipes her hands on a napkin. “Okay,” she says, her voice turning serious. “Let’s get down to why we asked you here today.”
I swallow hard, setting my sandwich down as well. My hands trembling slightly in my lap.
“As you know, I own Behind the Lens,” Lorna begins. “And let’s be frank, I’m sure you know or have heard the whispers, but I won’t sugarcoat things. We make porn here.”
I stiffen. My heart pounds against my ribs. Yep! I’ve heard those whispers. But I tried my hardest not to believe them, especially since they didn’t look like what I think of when I hear the word pornstar.
“We also have cammers,” she adds quickly before I can even process the bombshell she just threw at me.
I blink. “Cammers?” That’s something new. I’m not sure about that one.
Lorna nods. “Yeah. You have a site, and you entertain your subscribers.” She clears her throat. “It’s up to the individual how much or how little they want to do on their channel. Some have full-blown sex, bringing in partners.” She tosses a smile to Chad, as if it’s some personal joke between them. “Others go solo—masturbating, teasing.” She pauses, most likely giving me time to process. “Some don’t do any of that; they just strip or do mundane things like dusting while chatting with their audience. The point is, there’s a market for everything.”
I don’t move, don’t speak. Hell, I’m not even sure that I can breathe.
