I watch him walk away, the words spilling out before I can stop them. ‘But if you change your mind in the future and?—’
‘I won’t.’
‘But if you did?’
He stops at the glass and stares out, back rigid. ‘You’d do the right thing by them.’
What does he mean ‘the right thing’? By fighting him, or letting him in?
Letting him be a father. Sharing custody. And what wouldthateven look like?
Maybe an anonymous guy in a databaseisa lot safer after all…
Except the thought of carrying anyone else’s child feels impossible to me now.
And that brings me to the next thing I’ve been circling.
‘What if one of us…’ I force the rest out on a breath ‘…catches feelings?’
He scoffs, dismissing it without hesitation.
‘Feelings? You and me?’ He grunts. ‘Come on, Tay. How many years have we been fucking around without either of us going soft?’
‘Right.’ The word scrapes out of me as I choke on everything I can’t say: that I’ve neverfeltlike thisbefore. It’s neverbeenlike this.Not with them… and certainly not with him. Claiming me like I belong to him. Wanting to be claimed. Wanting to be his. And it’s messed with my head, got to my heart too.
‘Good point.’
Because if he’s not worried, then I don’t get to be either.
If it’s onlymy heart on the line, then fine. I’ll risk it.
I’ll risk it a thousand times over if it gets me the child I want so badly.
‘What about telling other people?’ I say, thinking back to the beach. ‘Theo, Sadie…’ I hesitate. ‘Future partners?—’
‘No one.’
‘I don’t think that’s realistic. My sister, for?—’
‘Until there’s a baby on the way, this stays between us.’
‘But when there is? If there is?’ Because I’m well aware pregnancy isn’t guaranteed.
‘Theo and Sadie, fair enough. But future partners?’ His jaw tightens. ‘You’re asking for trouble.’
‘Trouble?’
‘If you were my woman. With a best mate who happens to be the father of your child…’
He doesn’t finish. He doesn’t have to. I hear everything in what he leaves unsaid. As formy woman…
‘I don’t plan on being anyone’s woman.’
Hell, that’s why I’m doing this alone; that’s the whole point to this.
Until he got you thinking about beinghiswoman.
‘Not ever,’ I say, squashing the inner gibe.
