And what of him? Mr MIA?
Had he spent the night stewing on it, too?
For the umpteenth time that morning, I fear he’s done a runner. Not because he hates weddings, but because he hates me.
For putting him in this position. For asking him to be my baby’s donor and exposingthis. Hisneed.Fuck me. My core clenches around the memory. How long has he felt this way? Because the intensity of it, the way he strapped me down, the way he staked his claim?—
I swallow a whimper and squirm in my seat.
How can we go back to how things were? How can I forget all that?
And what if he regrets agreeing?
Worse: what if he regrets agreeing and he’s already got me pregnant?
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t done the maths this morning and worked out where I am in my cycle. Bang on, that’s where. Not that I’m fool enough to think it’s that easy. Not at my age, with fertility slipping away with every tick of the clock.
But if ithasworked, I chew my lip, what then?
‘Geez, you need a distraction,’ Sadie says, her eyes sweeping over me. ‘Come on Lottie, let’s see if we can turn Aunt Tay-Tay’s frown upside down.’
My niece studies me, her little frown rivalling a bulldog’s. ‘Are you sad, Aunt Tay-Tay?’
‘No. No, of course not,’ I blurt. And it’s the truth. I’m not sad, I’m worried. And until I can speak to a certain AWOL giant, I’ll remain that way. ‘But I do need to make sure everything’s in hand for tonight’s firepit fun.’
‘That’s what the wedding planner is here for, Tay.’
‘And as your big sister, I’m here to oversee them.’
‘Big sister? Control freak, more like.’
‘Sadie!’ I bat her softly on the arm as I rise, and she just laughs.
‘You can’t deny it though, can you?’
I don’t know. The past twenty-four hours with Axel, I’ve been anything but…
‘That depends; are you insulting me?’
‘Never.’ Her face sobers a little. ‘So long as you promise you’re really okay?’
‘Of courseI’m okay. You’re happy. Lottie’s happy. So I’m happy.’ I smile, cracking my face in two. ‘You make the most beautiful bride, you know that, right? And I couldn’t be happier for you; I mean that.’
I hug her, then dip to kiss Lottie’s curls. ‘And you, you’re staying with me tonight, so I expect to hear all about Mr Pinchy’s adventures at bedtime.’
She gives me a toothy grin. ‘I’ll bwing my bucket.’
‘You do that.’
‘Thank you, Tay,’ Sadie says, bridal glow returning – thank heaven.
‘Any time.’
I slip my shades back on as I cut across the beach towards the path that winds back up to the old stone villa: the same path Axel appeared on last night.
BeforeI turned our lives upside down.
Beforehe stuck us in a blender and whizzed us up into something unrecognisable.
