‘After everything we went through growing up, and thenhim, to see you with Theo now… I couldn’t care less that it’s only been a year. You’ve known each other forever, and anyone with eyes can see you’re made for one another.’
My sister lifts her shades into her hair, her blue eyes piercing as they search mine. ‘But last night, you and Axel, I saw how you were watching us… You looked like you were questioning the whole thing.’
Dammit.‘No, love. It’s nothing like that. It was…’
It was what exactly? I can hardly tell her the truth. Or I can. A little. But to start going down that road with her, the road that leads straight to Axel and what we did?—
And there’s no confessingthatuntil I know what he wants others to know.
Which could be nothing at all.
If the way he evicted me last night is anything to go on, I’d say that’s more than likely.
But I’ll want to tell them something at some point. SadieandTheo. I’ll want them to know what I’m planning. AndbeforeI start showing, too.
‘It was what?’ she prompts, her brow wrinkling as she takes in my palm now resting over my stomach. Hell, she probably thinks I’m queasy, not twisted with longing.
‘A deal,’ I blurt. ‘We were talking about a deal, a proposition… that’s all.’
Her eyes widen, her mouth falling open on a choked, ‘Oh!’ She shakes her head with a relieved laugh, her posture softening. ‘Of course you were. I should’ve known the two of youwould rather chew over contracts than lose an entire day to a wedding.’
I force a laugh with her. ‘Guilty as charged.’
Just not the kind of contract she’s thinking of. And speaking of which… there is none. What the hell was I thinking? Letting him, letting us… without anything drawn up.
No written agreement to back up what we verbally agreed: no co-parenting. No expectations. No strings.
Which should’ve meant no mess. No confusion. No feelings.
And it would’ve done if I’d stuck to my guns and insisted on the bloody turkey baster!
I wouldn’t be stewing in the mess, the confusion, andallthe feelings right now if I’d told him no.
In what world did I think I could sleep with him and keep everything just so?
But he blindsided me.
I’d never, not once, considered that he mightwantme. That he might want me enough that he would take my request and turn it into what it became: a trade of desires.
One in which it was his way or the highway.
And I wanted his baby so badly, I didn’t want to risk him walking away.
Liar. You wantedhimso badly, thatyoudidn’t want to walk away.
Risk, be damned.
But then, I pressed him and he reassured me and I made myself believe him. I let him take complete control of me, relishing every second… right up until the point he turfed my sorry arse out under the guise of keeping the line drawn.
What fucking line?
No kissing.
God, I want to laugh. Last night, I was all,yeah, makes total sense, drawing on my escort days to back it up. If Sadie wasn’t sat here now, I’d slap myself silly.
Because it doesn’t take a kiss to open my eyes to what’s been in front of me all these years… and what might have been… and what this is right now that I’m stewing in.
Because it doesn’t feel safe or clean or controllable.
