How this scene right now could be our future if we let it be.
Our home. Our life. Our child.
I blink back the sudden heat behind my eyes, and Axel turns instantly, his gaze narrowing.
‘You’re not watching the movie…?’
I shake my head, unable to trust my voice.
‘What’s wrong?’ His body tenses to sit up, but Lottie stirs, and he slows, his hand reaching around to squeeze my shoulder instead. ‘Spill, Baby Girl.’
Where do I even start?
What’s wrong is that I want his baby, but I want him too.
What’s wrong is that I don’t even know what we are any more.
What’s wrong is that I’m in love with the man I trusted to give me a baby and walk away.
And how messed up is that?
‘Taylor?’
I lick my lips, knowing I can’t tell him. Not tonight. Not with Lottie between us. Not with my heart on fire like this. But…
‘I think we’re going to have to come clean with Sadie and Theo.’
His eyes blow wide, like I’ve just suggested streaking through Central London.
‘You want to tell them about thebaby arrangement?’
‘No— God, no. They’ll be horrified.’
His fingers tense against my skin, his eyes flinching –shit,that came out wrong.
‘Not about us being parents,’ I hasten to add. ‘I’m talking about the contract, and us agreeing to…’ I swallow hard. ‘With no future.’
His gaze doesn’t ease. ‘So whatareyou saying?’
‘I’m saying…’ My lips part, close, then open again. I have no idea how to put it, but I’m done being blasé about it. This isn’t clean, it isn’t simple, it isn’t devoid of feeling, and maybe that’s truth enough. ‘This feels like more than just making a baby…’
I hold my breath, let my words sink in, eyes raking over his face for any sign I’ve freaked him out more. But all he says is, ‘I’m listening…’
Listening?This isn’t an episode of bloodyFrasier!
I want him to bespeaking, telling me how he feels, giving me some reassurance that I’m not on my own here.
He’s learned how to hold me, how to show up with his hands and his thoughtful gestures, but when it comes to words… expressing how he feels, what he wants outside of the bedroom, he’s a closed book.
‘What I mean is, it’s not just about the deal any more, not for me.’
‘It ain’t?’
‘No.’ I take a breath and let my truth flow with it. ‘I like being with you, Ax. Iwantto be with you. I want to see whether this can have a future. Me and you.’
For a terrifying moment, he doesn’t move.
Then his mouth curves, his eyes sparking. ‘Are you asking me out, Baby Girl?’
