Before she can answer, Lottie zooms over and hands me a pre-warmed chocolate. I pop it in my mouth with an exaggerated, ‘Yum’, because apparently, this is my life now.
‘I’ve no idea,’ Tay continues. ‘Theo wasn’t exactly in the mood to talk about it since she’s with… you know who.’ She makes a face.
‘F—fudge,’ I correct myself for the benefit of mini-ears and chew the chocolate. The beer’s gonna taste real great after this.
‘Yeah, exactly,’ Tay says, misreading my grimace. ‘But you don’t have to stay. You can head off if?—’
‘Hell no.’
‘Yeah, hell no!’ Lottie crows, and I choke on the chocolate, eyes bugging out.
‘Shit— Sorry—Sugar.’ I grip the back of my head and groan.
‘Got any more in there, Big Guy?’ Tay teases and I promptly headbutt the fridge again. Lottie squeezes between my legs and does the same.
Damn, she’s funny.
And I chuckle. I can’t help it. We all do.
‘Who knows,’ I say, pushing off the appliance and giving her my full attention. ‘Looks like we’ve got the whole evening to find out.’
‘You’re sure you want to stay?’
I stroke a loose strand of hair behind her ear and savour my first real look at her in a fortnight. Hair piled high on her head. Hazel eyes as warm as her cheeks. Glossy pink lips parted, making me think about how they taste, where I want them, what I’d like to do…
‘It ain’t the night we planned,’ I say, voice thick, ‘but it’ll be fun.’
She bites her lip, her breath catching. Yeah, she sees it. Everything I want to do, none of it remotely PG.
‘Thank you,’ she whispers.
I don’t know why she’s thanking me, but if she’s gonna look at me like that while she does it, I’ll take it.
‘How about a movie?’ I suggest.
‘I wanna watchMoana!’ Lottie shouts, grabbing my hands and trying to scale my legs.
I hoist her onto my hip before she knocks the beer from my grasp.
I have zero idea whatMoanais but…
‘Sure, Trouble. If Aunt Tay-Tay says it’s okay, I’m okay with it too.’
Taylor
If I were to make a list of the greatest moments in my life, this would be on it.
The three of us bundled together on my sofa, the blanket Axel bought me draped across us, the chocolates all demolished except for the two Lottie insisted on ‘saving for Mummy and Daddy’, and the kid herself fast asleep between us. Her tiny hand curled into Axel’s black tee like she owns him. It’s so utterly gorgeous to witness, and my heart is fit to burst.
Such a contrast to how I felt waking up to my period yesterday morning, knowing another month had passed, another month of trying without success, another month of waiting before I can test again. Waiting, wondering, wanting…
But the sadness feels like a distant memory now that he’s here.
The movie plays quietly on the TV, casting warm shadows over his face, softening the hard lines of him. Or maybe it’s just that he’s softening in general. I think about the man he was before we embarked on my baby-making plan, always there for me but always set apart too. Affection wasn’t in his nature. Easy touch – never.
Now he dishes it out in spades: for me, for Lottie. And as I gaze at him in the blanket he bought me just because, Lottie pressed into his side, all relaxed and laid-back, I realise how much he fits into my life.
How much he fits into a child’s life.
