“But you are here, and I can think of few people better suited to protect her. Just look at you.” Frederick’s voice pulled him back to the present.
“I could not even protect myself; what hope could I have of protecting her?” He waved his hand through the air, his eyes darkening. “She will be better off without me in her life.”
“Is that what she said?” Frederick frowned.
“She did not need to. It is a simple fact. I am my father’s son, I share his blood, his weakness.” Alaric’s lip curled.
“You are nothing like him.” Frederick shook his head.
“You are loyal, Hale, but you are wrong. I let myself succumb to my baser instincts. I let myself want her, and it made me weak, made me blind. I became obsessed with her to the detriment of everything else.”
“Deverell, you let her get close to you. That is the opposite of weakness.” Frederick let out a long, low breath. “Do not throw this away because of your fear of a dead man.”
“I am not afraid of him. I am afraid ofbecominghim.”
“Then do not.”
“It is not that simple.”
“It is.”
Alaric clenched and unclenched his fist. He could hear Catherine’s laughter echoing around him and almost smell her familiar lavender perfume. It made everything in him ache, and he shook his head.
“If it were, do you not think I would do it? I thought perhaps I could be different, but I was wrong. I let myself indulge to the point of idiocy.” Alaric gritted his teeth and stood, unable to keep from pacing. “She could have been killed. What if Marina had done something to her? What if she had hurt her? How could I have lived with myself knowing that I was too lost in my own pleasures, in my own desires to keep her safe?”
“And do you think it was only you who was lost in her? You do not think she too lost herself in you?” Frederick was on his feet too.
“She was the one who suspected Marina in the first place. I was the fool who only thought her competent. If it had not been for me, she would no doubt have sacked the woman.” Alaric ran a hand through his hair in frustration. “She should hate me, want me as far away as possible, but despite my failings, she tried to protect me. She was the one who thought of creating false trails.”
“It sounds like you need her.” Frederick shrugged.
“That does not mean she needs me. It does not give me license to be so selfish.” Alaric dug his nails into the palms of his hands.
He thought of how badly he had yearned for her, how his whole body ached for her.Weakness.
“And what is selfish about wanting to share your life with another?” Frederick gestured around them. “It is not like you are offering her the life of a pauper. And when you are not being an ox-brained fool, you are pleasant enough to be around.”
Alaric rolled his eyes. “Just look around you, Hale. What woman would want to be a part of this chaos? What woman would choose this over a life of security and comfort? Who wants to be with a man whose father was so lecherous he probably has half a dozen siblings in this county alone?”
“Did you ask her?” Frederick stepped toward him.
“What?” Alaric frowned.
“Did you ask her what she wanted?” The words lingered between them, and Alaric felt guilt settle in his chest.
“I did not need to. No one in their right mind would choose to be in this madness. My father notwithstanding, there is a madwoman trying to kill me, and with my luck, there might be more waiting in the wings.” He swallowed, looked away, finished his drink, and tried to make the smell of lavender fade from his mind. “She deserves better than that.”
“Maybe she does, maybe she does not. It is not about what one deserves, but what shewants.” Frederick cricked his neck and winced.
“Did you listen to a word I just said, Hale? She would have to be a lunatic to want this.” Alaric gaped at him.
Of coursehe does not understand, how could he?
He loved Frederick dearly, but they were not the same. Frederick had always been cavalier with his heart; he had not understood the danger that such actions could pose.
His father is not like mine.
“All families have their own skeletons.” Frederick sniffed dismissively. “Yes, yours might be a little more dramatic than most, but you are hardly a monster.”
