Alice was certain that, despite Briar’s words, something had already been ruined.
Chapter 29
Briar
That morning, after Briar said goodbye to Alice, she’d started packing. It was like she was possessed, as though now that Alice was gone the real world had come rushing back in. If she kept moving, it wouldn’t catch her. If she kept moving, she couldn’t think about Alice, about the things she’d said or whether she’d meant any of it.
Instead, she packed.
The only thing left was her mother’s desk. She picked up the papier-mâché bowl she’d made in elementary school, wrapping it carefully in newspaper. She did the same with framed family photos, the twins smiling toothlessly at her as she packed them away.
She tested every pen, throwing away the ones that didn’t work and bundling the ones that did with a rubber band. She found a stack of leather-bound notebooks that her mom would’ve kept her summer notes in and put them in the box. She packed away all the office supplies she could find and texted Noah to see if his school would take them.
Finally, she reached the bottom drawer of her mother’s desk, the one with her laptop. When she logged in, it automatically opened to the email thread between Susan and Alice. After avoiding it all summer, the need to know finally overcame Briar’s fears.
She scrolled to the beginning of their correspondence. Alice had written to Susan in September of freshman year.
From: [email protected]
Subject: checking in
Date: September 17, 2017
Hi Susan,
I hope you’re doing well! I finally feel settled into my dorm and courses. I’m in Melville Hall, just like you were. My roommate seems nice enough, but I don’t see her much as I’m in the library most of the time. I’m taking A Natural History with Prof. Davies and I’m loving it so far. Thank you for the recommendation.
How’s Briar? I saw the pictures from drop-off day. It was great the whole family was there to see her off.
All my love,
Alice
From: [email protected]
Subject: re: checking in
Date: September 20, 2017
My dear Alice,
I’m happy to hear you’re liking St Andrews. Melville is just the place for you, but make sure you don’t spend too much time in the library – get out and have fun! I know you already have Briar, but that doesn’t mean there’s not room for more friends in your life.
Dropping B off was harder than I thought. River didn’t know what to do with me on the drive home; I was a blubbering mess. Don’t tell B, she’d feel guilty about making her old mom cry.
She’s joined the crew team! Can you believe it? Our girl is participating in a team sport. She’s a coxswain. I think it’ll be good for her to be in charge of eight men; she needs someone to boss around now that she’s away from her siblings.
All my love,
Susan
From: [email protected]
