She’d had every intention of returning, but in the car, reconsidering every moment of their friendship, trying to pinpoint exactly when she’d crossed the line, it had become impossible. After realizing her feelings, she couldn’t face Briar again. She had rationalized it as being about cheating, but really, she hadn’t been able to bear the thought of going back to being friends.
Briar’s face contorted at the words.
‘You loved me,’ she repeated flatly. Alice tried to decipher what emotion lit Briar’s eyes, but she couldn’t. Briar had never felt more foreign to her than at this moment. ‘If you loved me, you shouldn’t have left.’
Alice shook her head. ‘I didn’t think it through.’
Briar’s hands covered her face, and she made a noise that sounded alarmingly like a sob. Her whole body shook. Alice didn’t know what to do. She’d never professed her love for anyone before, but was fairly certain this wasn’t the optimal reaction.
‘What if I stayed now?’ The words came out without Alice thinking about them at all, but they sounded right. It was what she wanted. Everything in Alice had been waiting for the moment she could finally fix her misstep. The moment she could be someone Briar could rely on. Now was that moment. ‘What if I didn’t get on the plane?’
The shaking stopped. For a moment, Alice wasn’t sure if Briar was even breathing. But then she lifted her head. ‘Why would you do that?’
‘Because I love you?’ Alice hated how it came out like a question.
Briar scoffed. ‘You don’t.’
Blood rushed in her ears. ‘Of course I love you. I’ve loved you since we were kids. I loved you even after I left.’
Briar stared at her, quiet fury etched in her features. ‘Is that supposed to make me feel better?’
‘I’m just trying to be honest with you,’ Alice said, failing to find an explanation for Briar’s behavior that wouldn’t end in her own heartbreak.
‘Why are you being honestnow?’
‘Because I want to stay. Because I love you.’ It was the third time she had told Briar she loved her, and it seemed to make less of an impression each time. ‘Don’t you love me?’
Briar squeezed her eyes shut. ‘Have you thought this through?’ she asked, in a pained voice. ‘How this would actually, logically work?’
‘It would work,’ Alice said, trying for confidence. She didn’t understand how she’d gone from comforting to pleading in such a short time. ‘It would work because I would make it work.’
‘You would make it work,’ Briar said disbelievingly. She stood, pacing, as Alice watched helplessly. ‘What would you do? Where would you live?’
Alice’s eyes pricked, her throat feeling dry. ‘Details,’ she said weakly. She knew that Briar was being the rational one. But she was trying to fix her mistake, and Briar was getting bogged down with the logistics. For once, Alice was throwing caution to the wind, and Briar seemed mad at her for it.
‘Really?’ Briar asked, her mouth curving into a twisted version of her usual smile. ‘I shouldn’t be the one tellingyouthat you would have to figure out a hell of a lot ofdetailsto move to another continent and drop the degree you’ve been working on for six years.’
‘I’ll figure it out,’ Alice snapped.
‘But nothing’schanged. You left me before, and I don’t care if you had every intention of coming back. You didn’t.’
‘It’s not the same now. Because I lo—’
‘Don’t,’ Briar’s voice was dangerously low, ‘say it again.’
‘But I do,’ Alice insisted.
‘You might think that,’ Briar said. ‘But if you stayed for me, you’d end up resenting me. Believe me, I know what that feels like.’
‘I wouldn’t,’ Alice said, desperately reaching for any argument that would make Briar believe her. Something that would make Briar see that Alice was serious about staying, about being with her.
For the first time, she saw the full scope of the damage she’d done to their friendship, the trust she’d betrayed and lost.
‘You can’t fix this,’ Briar said, with a finality that pushed every thought from Alice’s mind, ‘so stop trying. You’re leaving in what? Three hours?’
Alice glanced at her phone, confirming the time. ‘Yeah,’ she croaked, exhaustion suddenly overtaking her. Briar reached a hand down to her. Alice looked at it warily before accepting the help. They stood like that for a moment, staring at each other, hands forgotten between them.
‘It was only ever going to last the summer anyway, right?’ Briar said. ‘Let’s not ruin it.’
