"Fuck," I breathe. "He heard—"
Malcolm claps my shoulder, his hand heavy and warm. "Don't worry about it, buddy. He knows what's in your heart."
I stare at the door Alex just disappeared through. My chest feels tight.
"I should go talk to him," I say, starting to stand.
Malcolm's hand on my shoulder pushes me back down. "Not tonight. You're drunk, he's probably tired, and nothing good comes from conversations like that at midnight."
"But—"
"Later, Finn. Talk to him later when you're both sober and rested." Malcolm picks up the now-empty bottle and stands. "Come on. Let's get some sleep."
I follow him inside, my legs unsteady from the whiskey and everything I just said out loud.
The house is dark and quiet. Vee's door is closed. So is Alex's.
Rhys's light is still on.
I stand in the hallway looking at the thin strip of light under his door. I don't know what he does in there at night. We've never asked. But somehow knowing he's awake in there, probably just sitting with himself the way he does, makes the house feel less heavy.
I stare at Alex's door, wanting to knock. Wanting to explain.
Malcolm's right though. Not tonight.
I go to my own room and close the door and sit on the edge of my bed in the dark.
The whiskey has made everything fuzzy but the shame is still sharp. Sharp enough to cut through the alcohol haze. Sharp enough to keep me awake long after I should have fallen asleep.
I was relieved when Alex got flagged.
I was relieved and now he knows it.
And tomorrow I'm going to have to look him in the eye and figure out if Malcolm is right. If Alex really does know what's in my heart.
Or if I just destroyed something I can't fix.
Down the hall, Rhys's light goes out.
The house settles into dark and quiet.
I lie back and stare at the ceiling.
The stars aligned, I told Malcolm.
Maybe they did.
Just not in any of the ways we planned.
Chapter 16
Vee
Arden shows up at ten in the morning with his leather bag and his calm therapist face.
I let him in. We sit in the living room, him in the armchair, me curled on the couch with my legs tucked under me.
We sit in silence. Arden is good at silence, he doesn't rush to fill it.
