He covers me. Holds me through it. When I finally come down I'm crying and I don't remember starting.
***
Guilt surfaces in the quiet moments.
Between waves when I'm lucid enough to think.
I'm with another pack.
Ragon's pack is across the yard and I'm here in an almost stranger's bed with an alpha I barely know. Letting their beta touch me. Craving the other alpha just outside the door.
My stomach twists.
Ragon will be furious.
The thought comes with a surge of fear that makes my heart race.
He's punished me for so much less. For existing near Marie. For taking up space.
What will he do when he finds out about this?
The nest punishment flashes through my mind. Their combined scents in my safe space. Being forced to watch. To hear. Tofeel.
My breathing quickens.
"Hey." Finn's hand cups my face. "Where'd you go?"
"I'm going to be in so much trouble."
His brow furrows. "What?"
"Ragon. When he finds out. He's going to—" My voice cracks. "He's going to punish me."
"No he's not."
"You don't know him. You don't know what he—"
"Vee,” Finn says. "You're not going back there."
The words don't make sense.
"I have to. He's my alpha."
"Not anymore."
I stare at him. "What?"
"We'll explain everything. I promise. But you're safe here. Ragon can't touch you."
I want to believe him.
But I've heard promises before. And I don't know if I want it to be true. I love my pack.
Don't I?
There was never this with them. Not like this. There’s a difference between fucking a scent match and fucking an alpha I love—they're both intense, but this is deeper, something that bypasses thought entirely. This must be what my alphas felt with Marie. This must be why they stopped seeing me.
I understand it now. I hate that I understand it.
