"Do you need anything else? Water? Bathroom?"
"Bathroom."
He helps me stand. My legs barely hold me. He keeps an arm around my waist as we cross to the attached bathroom.
"I've got it from here," I say.
He nods and steps outside. Pulls the door mostly closed but leaves it cracked.
I use the toilet. Wash my hands. Catch sight of myself in the mirror.
I look wrecked.
Hair tangled. Eyes glassy. Skin flushed. My neck is bare but I can see faint marks on my skin where Malcolm's teeth scraped.
No bites. No claims.
Just temporary.
The thought should make me feel relief maybe. Or disappointment.
Instead I just feel empty.
I splash water on my face and go back out.
Finn is waiting. He helps me back to bed.
"Do you want me to stay?" he asks.
"Yes."
He kicks off his shoes and climbs in beside me. Pulls me against his chest. His scent is warm and familiar.
No overwhelming alpha pheromones. It's good for the calm moments since his scent doesn’t kickstart my cramps.
I close my eyes and let myself drift.
***
Time stops meaning anything.
I wake periodically and Malcolm is there. Or Finn is there. Or sometimes both.
They feed me. Give me water. Help me to the bathroom.
Malcolm takes me through the waves. His body over mine. That deep relief that comes and goes too fast.
Finn fills the gaps. His mouth. His hands. His patient attention that makes me feel seen even when I can barely think.
At some point I ask for Alex again.
"He's still there," Malcolm says. "Right outside."
"Why can't he come in?" I keep asking it, even though I know they won't answer.
They keep giving the same answer. But he's my alpha. We're matched. Why is he rejecting me? It's like deja vu. My first pack returned me because they found their scent match. Ragon's pack abandoned me for theirs. But Alex ismyscent match. And he still won't come in. What is so fundamentallywrongwith me that no alpha wants to keep me?
I want to argue with Malcolm but the next wave seizes me before I can form the words.
