But a piece of me rebels. I'm so tired of hiding. Of pretending. Of being the composed 'ice queen' who feels nothing and needs no one.
"Actually," I correct myself. "That is only part of what is on my mind…"
I trail off, unsure how to continue. How does one explain this? How do I put into words the tangled mess of curiosity and want and fear that's been building inside me?
"Also… the movie," I finally say.
Cody tilts his head. "The movie?"
"Yes." I force myself to meet his eyes. "I find myself wondering about… kissing. What it is like. I am curious. It looks… nicer than the reports made it sound."
The words hang in the air between us. Cody's expression shifts from surprise to understanding to intent.
"Have you never…" He pauses, seemingly unable to complete the sentence. "I mean, you've never been kissed?"
"No. Cerasteans do not kiss." I lift my chin slightly. "Our females possess fangs and venom sacs. An intimate pressing of mouths would be dangerous, even potentially fatal. We developed other forms of physical affection that did not risk a bite."
Cody's gaze drops to my mouth, and I see the confusion flicker across his face. He's looking for fangs, I realize.
"I no longer have them," I explain. "The Ostiums removed my fangs and venom sacs. I chose not to have them regenerated after my rescue."
Understanding dawns in his eyes. "So you can…"
"Yes. I can no longer kill with a bite. But more relevantly…" I square my shoulders, summoning my courage. "I would be able to try kissing. If I wished. Without danger to my partner."
The silence stretches between us. Cody is very still, his eyes fixed on mine.
"And do you?" he asks. "Wish to try it?"
My heart pounds beneath my ribs. My mouth has gone dry, and I can feel my pulse in my throat, rapid and insistent.
"Yes." The word comes out steadier than I feel. "I would like to be kissed. I want to know what it is that makes humans moan and sigh and look at each other as if nothing else in the universe exists."
Cody's expression shifts. The concern melts away, replaced by a look that is tender and fierce and slightly mischievous.
"As my queen commands," he murmurs.
And then he steps closer.
His hand comes up to cup my jaw, steady and gentle. His thumb traces along my cheekbone. His touch glides along my skin with the lightest touch, barely there, but it sends shivers cascading down my spine. I watch his face as he tilts his head, as he leans in, and my eyes flutter closed at the last moment.
The first brush of his lips is soft. Tentative. Just a gentle pressure on my mouth, warm and slightly dry.
This is nice, I think. Pleasant and lovely. But I don't understand, this can't be what all the fuss is about. This gentle pressing of mouths is perfectly agreeable, but it doesn't explain the moaning on the screen, the way Hannah clutched Jacob.
Then Cody shifts.
He tilts his head, changing the angle, and his lips part slightly. His hand slides from my jaw to the nape of my neck, drawing me closer, and he deepens the kiss.
Oh.
His mouth moves on mine with purpose now, coaxing my lips apart. There's heat and wetness and a shocking intimacy that unravels me from the inside. When his tongue touches my lower lip, soft and questioning, I gasp, and he takes the opportunity to slip inside.
I am drowning.
There's no other word for it. The sensation is overwhelming – his taste, his heat, the way he's cradling my head like something precious. My hands have found their way to his chest without my permission, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt. I can feel his heart pounding beneath my palm, racing as fast as mine.
He kisses me like he wants to savor me. Like maybe he's been thinking about this moment for as long as I have, imagining it and wanting it. There's tenderness there, but also a banked heat that makes my blood sing. When he pulls my lower lip gently between his teeth, I make a sound I've never made before. A low, desperate sound that I would be mortified by if I could think clearly.
