“Feelings. Romantic feelings.” Örim repeated the words, taking a long moment to process Eleri’s explanation. “I don’t understand why she would be upset. I share her romantic feelings. I only meant to inquire as she was unclear in her language. We don’t have things like this on Teös.”
“You don’t have romance on Teös?”
“No. Sexual and romantic relationships are superfluous.”
“Please tell me you didn’t say that to Cassie.” She pressed her fingers against the space between her eyebrows.
“I did not, but she may have overheard one of my ex-colleagues.”
“Stars and stones. What am I going to do with the two of you?” Eleri rubbed the space between her pale eyebrows. “I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you apologized. She obviously can’t be that upset if she told you she has feelings.”
“Of course, I apologized. I am willing to clarify that my feelings are atypical for a teösian.”
“You have to do more than clarify, Örim. Cassie doesn’t know you have romantic feelings for her unless you tell her. She was probably embarrassed that you tried to explain what feelings are to her because she shared an intimate secret with you.”
“Oh. Oh, I see.” Örim felt his own sense of embarrassment as he clicked his wrist nodes together. “Yes. I see how that was a miscalculation on my part. I should rectify the situation.” He started to worry Cassie had been suffering under the incorrect assumption that he found her unappealing.
“The two of you are a pair.”
“I don’t understand the idiom. A pair of what?”
Eleri shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. Just be direct with Cassie. She doesn’t know what you’re feeling unless you tell her.”
“I intend to do just that.”
“Before you go, I just wanted to ask how you’re doing with everything.” Eleri’s voice was soft, but Örim wasn’t sure he entirely understood the subtext of her question.
“Can you clarify what you mean by ‘everything’?” Örim rubbed at his wrist nodes. Eleri cared greatly for Cassie’s wellbeing, and the last thing he wanted to do was give her the impression he was doing a poor job of it.
“Caretaking is a lot of work, especially if it’s not your vocation.” Eleri ran a hand through her hair. “Do you need more help with Cassie’s care?”
The idea of someone else taking this responsibility away from him, the role of caring for hisaöseria, filled his body with uncomfortable jolts of electricity. But at the core of his being, he knew he carried doubts. Aöseria. Where had that come from? He hadn’t even asked her. She hadn’t even accepted his feelings yet. Cassie was well some days, but other days he didn’t know. Some days, he didn’t know how to help her. No amount of research revealed a satisfactory answer.
Then he considered the question with more regard to his own status. His reseeding sessions were short, perfunctory now, rather than truly restorative. Even if Cassie was sleeping, he wanted to be available to her at any moment. Most nights she woke up gasping. Even though having him beside her during the nightmares helped her settle more easily, her sleep was still interrupted. His own projects lay untouched as he focused on learning more about her, about humans in general. In dark moments, he worried he might be exchanging one obsession for another. The last thing he wanted to do was frighten Cassie away with the depth of his fascination.
“Cassie is unwell but not only physically. I am struggling with how to help her. Are all humans like this?”
“No. We’re not. Cassie is… well, you know some of what Cassie experienced before she came here. Probably more than I do.” Eleri rubbed the back of her neck. “I can give you some resources on mental health in humans, but I think Cassie just needs time.”
“Time.” When teösians cracked, they were typically considered beyond saving. They were disgraceful. Families wanted to pretend they didn’t exist. He was grateful to learn humans didn’t have the same approach because he had nointention of giving up on Cassie. “Is there a specific amount of time?”
Eleri shook her head. “Everyone is different. Cassie’s already so much better than she was when she first got here. I'm using that as a benchmark. But I’m serious about the offer of help. Don’t burn yourself out.”
“Ah, we don’t burn exactly.” Örim tapped his chest. “It’s more like an electrical current. Thank you, Healer Eleri. I’d like to see those texts on human mental health, if it’s not too much trouble.” He wasn’t sure they would reveal anything more than what he had discovered in his own research, but it was worth trying to get another perspective. For now, his first priority was returning to Cassie to correct her misconceptions about his feelings.
As he rode back to Laurus’s residential neighborhood, Örim mulled over his conversation with Eleri while simultaneously trying to choose the correct words to correct his carelessness with Cassie’s feelings. A crackle of energy rose through his electrical core as he considered the possibility of misinterpretation. If she hadn’t meant romantic feelings. Where would that leave him? He acknowledged K’kaen at the door with a tap of his elbow nodes.
“I’m off then,” the latil’e’s frill rippled before heading for his own levibike. The lights were off when he entered, but several of the shades he usually kept lowered had been raised.
“Cassie?” Örim found her nested in the center of their domicile, listening to something on her datapad. She startled when she realized he was beside her and removed her earphones. Örim sat down on the ground next to her pillow nest. He reached for her nearest hand, and she allowed him to take it.
“Örim?” Her eyes were unfocused as she stared at him.
“I have feelings too, Cassie.”
She tilted her head. “All senshet beings have feelings, you said.”
“Sentient.” Örim started to correct her but then realized he was missing the point again. “No, I mean, yes, that’s true, but I have feelings like you have feelings. Romantic feelings. Eleri said you meant romantic feelings. Is that true?”
