Cassie’s mouth formed a tight ‘o’, and then finally she nodded. “Yes.”
“I’m honored.” He reached for her, unsure what he intended but knowing he wanted to feel the soft press of her skin against his hands. His fingers cupped her chin. “You honor me with your feelings, Cassie. I don’t know if I deserve them, but I will give you everything I have.” He paused, trying to figure out the best way to explain his gaps in knowledge. “Teösians mostly abandoned romantic relationships many generations ago, so I will need patience while I learn the expectations.”
“I don’t know anything either.” Cassie reached to reciprocate the gesture, her hands exploring his face as he did hers. He didn’t understand why Teösians had given up on romantic partnerships if this was what it felt like. True, they were distracting, messy, and complicated, and unaligned with the purposes of the Empire. But he suspected the last reason was the real motivator. Sitting here with Cassie, with her warm hands on his face, he realized losing his merit status and being forced to leave Teös no longer mattered for his future.
CHAPTER 28
Cassie
See, this is why none of us have any tits.Rhea smacked her own nearly flat chest before she swallowed her monthly pill.
Do we have to talk about this every month?Cassie sighed and waved her out of the line before taking her own dose. She knew the oblong, white medications were meant to keep them safe from predatory clients, but what they were actually doing, she had no idea. White for the females. Green for the males. Every month, like clockwork, as soon as their voicelocks were installed.
Rhea claimed she found a way around some of the firewalls on their shared datapad, so she knew what real ‘tits’ were supposed to look like, but Cassie was too afraid to ask.
Cassie went to sleep with her breasts aching and woke with a dark stain between her legs. Her whole body hurt. Örim was busy in his room, but he’d left the door slightly ajar. Usually, being able to see him at all times was a comfort to her, but today she wanted to be unseen. She crept out of her nest of bedding, wadding the soiled blanket into a ball. She didn’t want Örim to worry. Maybe she was dying. Maybe whatever they’d done to her at the Aviary was finally catching up with her.
She brought her linens to the clothing sanitizer and started a washing load, hoping the stain would come out. The machine was louder than she anticipated, and she glanced back toward the door to see if Örim had registered her movement. Then she tiptoed to the lavatory, clutching her hands between her thighs to prevent her organs from falling out. Was that what was happening? An image of a pile of gray blobs on the ground flashed through her mind. She had no idea what her organs looked like. Cassie removed her shorts and underpants and sat on the toilet, discovering more blood when she did.
With shaking hands, she pressed the button to cleanse herself with a jet of water. It came away tinged with more blood. What was she going to do? She couldn’t leave for the clinic without Örim asking where she was going. She couldn’t ask Eleri to come over without him knowing about it. But her only other option was to keep bleeding through everything she owned.
She flushed the blood away quietly while her whole body shook, and then sank to the ground, overwhelmed by bad options. Her stomach cramped, making her whimper silently as she tucked her knees into her chest, sitting on her pile of soiled clothing. There was a quiet knock on the door.
“Cassie? Are you ok? You’ve been in there for a while.”
She didn’t know what to say. The cramping started again, and she tried to make herself as small as possible. The door opened a crack as Örim peered in.
“I have supplies for your monthly bleeding. You should have said something.”
Monthly bleeding?He wasn’t panicking. He seemed, if anything, confused.What monthly bleeding?
“Am I calling it the wrong name? Menstruation is the more technical term.” Örim opened the door wide enough to access the lavatory cabinet. He handed her a box. “Eleri gave me some pain medication you can use too. She also said after your first few cycles, she can turn it off if you don’t want it.”
Cassie blinked, still in pain, still not understanding a single thing he was talking about.I don’t understand. Why am I bleeding?
Örim tapped his finger nodes together. “I thought it was basic human reproductive biology. Human females bleed monthly without medical intervention. Have you not bled before, Cassie?”
Cassie shook her head.Never.She wasn’t sure if she was more infuriated by her own lack of knowledge or embarrassed that Örim knew more about her own biology than she did.
“Here.” He offered her a hand. “Let’s get you up, and then I can try to explain it, although I suspect this would probably be a better conversation to have with Eleri.”
Her face was scarlet as she realized she was naked from the waist down while Örim helped her to her feet. Even though she’d been naked around people before, this felt different. She grabbed her stained clothing and brought it over to the basket next to the sterilizer. While she cleaned up, Örim opened the box he’d handed to her originally and pulled out a plain white packet. “This is to catch the bleeding.”
She examined it, not entirely sure what to do. Was she supposed to stick it inside herself? She unwrapped the thing. It looked like a towel with adhesive on the back. Cassie winced at the thought of sticking it to her pubic hair.What is it?
“I think it’s supposed to go in your undergarments.” Örim’s complete lack of shame around the topic made her feel more awkward about the whole thing. Cassie retreated again to the lavatory, too mortified to figure it out with him staring at her. She placed it adhesive side down in her panties and then covered herself with the towel thing. It seemed right. It would catch blood and hopefully avoid staining her clothing.
When she emerged again, Örim was sitting at the table where she usually ate with a holo pulled up on his datapad. Cassie sat next to him, staring at the strangely shaped image.
“That’s what a human female reproductive system looks like.” Örim pointed at the holo. Cassie gaped and placed a hand on her lower belly. That’s what her insides looked like?
But why is it bleeding?
“This part sheds lining and blood every month if you don’t get pregnant.” Örim pointed to the top of the diagram. “It’s supposed to be normal. Eleri suggested you might not have a cycle because you were on hormone blockers for many years. You were also underweight when you arrived in Laurus. I’ve had a chance to look through your medical files.”
A mix of emotions swirled inside her chest. She should know about this. This was normal. Bleeding was normal. But she wasn’t. She wasn’t, was she? They’d tried to teach them at the IA about what a body did. She’d learned more about what humans were like there than she ever did at the Aviary. But things like this, the way her own body worked. There was still so much she didn’t know. She started to cry.
Why didn’t I know?
