“Anyway.”He shrugs.“She’s my mom, so I think she’ll play nicer, but if she can’t, I still pick you, withoutblamingyou.”
“But—”
“No buts.”He presses a quick kiss to my mouth.“You’re my top priority, Vanessa Littleton.In a very short time, you’ve become extremely important to me.I won’t just stand by and let her make you feel small.With me around, you’ll never be small.”
Once they leave, I assess the damage.
We’re definitely going to need to repaint Trina’s wall, but at the bottom right, there’s a tiny little heart.I point at it.“Maybe we leave that part.”
Trina smiles.“Yeah, let’s.”
Some damage is permanent.
Some can be repaired.
I think the key is fixing what we can, living with the rest, and learning to love the past and the present, in spite of their imperfections.I’m proud of Jack for defending me today, and I’m almost glad his mother’s such a jerk.
It’s taught me how he’ll react, even when something is hard.
He’ll always stand between me and the monster, even when that monster is his own mother.For the first time since Jason died, a man made me feel safe with him.
It’s a nice feeling.
A very nice feeling.
29
Samantha
Everyone else is with their family, opening presents.I can even hear the yipping of Natalie’s new puppy from her cottage, which is the closest to mine.
The adoption agency’s website says they review all applications within twenty-four hours.I submitted mine on Christmas Eve, so it’sinsanethat I keep checking my email to see whether they’ve begun looking over my application, or whether they might want to set up a video chat.There’s no way their timeframe applies to Christmas Day.
I keep checking, anyway, because it’s Christmas.
Maybe something magical will happen, right?You never know.
Except then I start googling the adoption process, and it’s long.Like, there are a lot of hoops to jump through before the agency even gets a profile and you can possibly start meeting with mothers-to-be, and that’s only if any of them even want someone like me.
A single woman in her forties who just divorced her husband.
She spends all day long riding horses, and she lives nowhere near her real family.She runs a brand new, probably-doomed-to-failure startup hotel, and she has no ten-year plan.Also, no boyfriend, and no good prospects.She suffers from PCOS and has zero parenting know-how.
And no health insurance.
But Ireland has healthcare, so I think maybe that’s fine here.I shouldreallylook into that.I’ve been paying my old doctor to do tele-visits, because I’m resistant to change.Good thing I didn’t write that down when I filled out my form.They probably know, based on my age.
I click refresh again, and all it gets me is another stupid email from the Loft yammering on about sweaters.Enough already with the sweaters!I need to do something.I stand up and decide to go visit the horses.That’s a good plan.Horses always calm me down.I felt pretty decent when I was mucking stalls and feeding them earlier.
Petting them and stuff will be at least that fun.
Only, when I step outside, I notice that someone’s outside in front of Vanessa’s place, and it’s not Jack.I sneak closer, and I realize itisJack, but they must have come in his mother’s SUV.He’s having some kind of talk with her, and it doesn’t look like it’s going well.
If she had a superpower, it would be laser-beam eyes.
I creep back toward the barn, and I pet horses until I’m sure Jack and his horrible mother have left.Normally, I’d go charging in to make sure Vanessa’s okay, but I don’t have it in me, not today.I want to go home and click refresh again on my computer like a complete nutjob.It’s Christmas Day.They won’t be emailing me.With the holidays, it’ll probably bedaysbefore I hear from them.
And that’s fine.
