I literally decided to do this late yesterday.
I’m the kind of person who has very little chill once she’s made a decision, which is why I broke up with Richard on that very day his dad proposed.That’s a weird sentence.But I’m not someone who waffles, or wobbles, or flips and flops back and forth.I’m decisive.That’ll make me a good mom, right?
Probably.
Or maybe kids need someone who’s more contemplative about things she does.Shoot.What if my decisiveness makes me aterriblemother?I whip out my phone and text Natalie.
How do you know if you’ll be a bad mom?
You won’t
Oh, please
You can’t know that
I can
Because you’re worried about being bad, and that’s literally the most important thing
If you worry, if you fret, and if you spend every waking and most sleeping moments trying to be the best mom you can be, you will be
Or at least, you’ll be good enough
My mom calls, then.
I bet shejustwoke up.She always calls me in the late morning since I moved here.She’s been an early riser as long as I can remember, and she loves that I’m always awake when she pops out of bed now.My dad will snore along for another hour at least.
“Happy Christmas,” she says.
It’s not lost on me that my Irish friends are saying Merry, and my family and friends back home keep saying Happy.Everyone’s a comedian.“Thanks, Mom.I hope it’s a good one.I’m sorry I’m not there.”
“We miss you,” she says.“We love you.I hope you know that.”
“I do,” I say.“But you should know that I’m doing really well here.”
“Uh, yeah.I noticed.A duke.I can’t even imagine.”She giggles.“Your dad said he’d fly me out so I can meet him.That’s my Christmas present.So just tell me a time that would be good and we’ll book the flights.”She clears her throat.“Also, he iswayhotter than Brent.Nice work.”
I need to tell them, but it felt so raw when we broke up that I haven’t been up to it yet.Now I need to tell them about the breakupandthe plans for adoption, and I’m sure they’ll misunderstand and think it’s some kind of crazy reaction.
I’ll tell them tomorrow.
I can’t handle it today.
“That’s great, Mom.You’ll love him.”If I sound tired, Mom doesn’t notice.“You’ll love lots of things.”
“I know where I’ll be staying when I come.”I can imagine how she looks, with her proud-parent smile.
“Mom, you can stay with me, you know.I don’t live in the hotel.”
“Why would I stay in your tiny apartment when I could stay at my daughter’s posh new hotel forfree?”
Oh, Natalie’s going to love that.“Right, well.I look forward to your trip.Just let me know when you’ll be here.”
“Can you tell me when your next horse show will be?I’d love to come cheer at the same time.”
Thirty years of horse shows, and she stillcheers.Everyone else is videotaping or quietly watching, and my mom’s chanting like it’s the Super Bowl or a swim meet.It’s made my horse spook atleastfive times.Thankfully, she rarely actually comes.
“My last two shows were horrible,” I say.“So I’m not in a rush.”
