“Stiber now,” she says.
“Right.Samantha Stiber.”
She snaps her head sideways.“Do you think I’d be a good mother?”
I almost drop the cookie cutter I’m holding.“Of course I do.”I nod.“The very best.”
“I always wondered whether God didn’t give me children because I wouldn’t do a good job with them.”
“That’s not what He does,” Mrs.Shanahan says.“He gives lots of people children who do terrible jobs.”She glances at Trace, then, and turns toward me.
Samantha may be vulnerable right now, but she notices, too.“My friends whom God gave children are all amazing with them.”She glares.“But I suppose you’re right.Lots of children don’t have the best homes.”
“Of course,” Mrs.Shanahan says.“That’s all I was saying.You don’t have children?”
Sam shakes her head.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”She steps closer.“They’re one of life’s great joys.”
Over the next thirty minutes, Sam charms Mrs.Shanahan thoroughly.Mrs.Shanahan also manages to say the right thing, apparently, because Samantha’s actually laughing as they try to repair her blued-out cookies together.
Strangely, watching them get along so well sort of triggers me.When Sam finishes and puts her cookies in to bake, and I start cleaning up from the melee, I find myself somehow depressed.Our little gathering wentwell.Mrs.Shanahan had a good time, and so did Samantha.Quinn took a big plate with her, and all the kids are happy.My chili, which is not a normal thing to eat here in Ireland, was a big hit, and the kids all ate it without arguing before gorging themselves on cookies, even Ryan and Rory.
I should be delighted.
Instead, I find myself getting more and more upset as I clean and prepare to go ride, as I promised I would.Maybe I’m cranky because I’m riding.Maybe my nerves from hosting have left me frayed.But the more Jack checks in on me, the more upset I get.Once Quinn leaves, and his mother makes her goodbyes, and Natalie finally drags her kids out, with a promise to join us for a ride, I feel totallyspent.
“You’re riding later?”Jack looks disappointed.“I thought we might let the kids play and watch a movie.”
“Well, my friend needed me,” I say.“She was practically despondent, and the offer of a ride snapped her out of it.”
Jack swallows.“I’m sorry.I wasn’t trying to guilt you.I’m happy to hear you’re riding.”
“Sure.”Why am I so mad?
“Well, I know you need to go change soon to meet them at the barn, but I had something for you.”He glances over his shoulder.“I’ll just pop out and get it and be right back.”
“Can we do this later?”I’m irritated withhim.I’m not sure why, but I am.Clearly.“I’m running late already, and I’m nervous about riding in an arena, I guess.”
Jack stares at me for a moment.“Are we okay?”
I sigh.
He steers me out the front door and closes it.Thankfully Trina hauled Rory and Ryan into her room where they’re making some kind of horrible marble maze that will take me an hour to clean up later.“What’s going on?Did I do something?”
It hits me then.He didn’t do anything.“No.”
“What, then?”He shakes his head.“Did Inotdo something?”
“Your mother was being—shehas beenreally awful to me in the past.Our tea didnotgo well, and she’s managed to corner me in other places, and I didn’t want to tell you, because I want her to like me, but then today, she justlovesSam, and you didn’t even seem to notice,” I finish lamely.Like he somehow should have noticed that I was being bullied in secret or that his mother liking Sam would upset me.“It’s not rational.I’m sorry.”But then I start to cry.
Like a total idiot.
He hugs me.“It’s hard with her, always.I’m sorry.”
“You defended me against the moms,” I say, still bawling.“You stepped in like aboss.”I hiccup, which is horrifying.“I guess I just thought you’d do that with your mom, but you didn’t.”
He sighs, pats my back and steps back a little, enough that I can see his face.“With her, I have no idea what to say.Nothing I do or say will matter, so it’s a waste of time.She just is who she is.”
