Because I get in my car after that, and once I’ve stopped crying enough that I can see, I drive home from Lismore Castle for the last time.
23
Vanessa
When Jason died, I thought I’d never recover.I felt sobroken.I felt downright shabby.I was so crammed full of emotions, memories, and sorrow that I thought my life would never be clean, tidy, or welcoming ever again.
I felt like this little gardener’s cottage looked.
Overstuffed, overrun, and run-down.
But now, it’s sparkling, fresh, and new.Samantha and Natalie did this for Trish, but really they did it for me.They’ve been doing it a little at a time, as a secret.But when I look at the tiny cottage, I can’t help thinking that they’ve been doing the very same thing for me, too.I’m happier.I’m brighter.I’ve been clearing out my damage and my hurt feelings and the memories I clutched to my chest like they would save me.
Really, they were drowning me.
But now, like this cottage, I’m clearing things out.I’m cleaning things up.I’m refurbishing.Ireland has been a really cathartic way for me to do that.Trish, my past, came with me, and maybe it’s time for me to move on from having her quite so close.Maybe Natalie and Samantha are right—we both need a little space now that we’re healing and growing again.So a few days after I discover their secret, a few days before Christmas, we decide to move her, my mother-in-law.
Trish is a very small woman.
It makes sense that she would have very few things.Even so, this is kind of pathetic.“Three suitcases?”I blink.“That’s it?That’s all you brought?”
She shrugs.“You already had furniture you had brought with you, and at my age, I’ve discovered that stuff doesn’t mean much.”
“It’s fine,” I say.“Natalie says there was enough furniture for a dozen houses crammed in there.They’ve refurbished some of it, and you can pick whichever other pieces you want.You’ll have a house full of everything you need in no time.Plus, the appliances are all new.I’m actually a little jealous.”Mostly, I’m jealous that the new cottage’s electrical was brought up to code.I swear, having haphazard electrical outlets scattered through our house, with flickering lights in most rooms, makes me completely nuts.
“That sounds like a really fun adventure.”She beams.“And I want you to know how grateful I am, to you and to your friends.I’ll still be close, but I won’t be here to drive you insane anymore.I did worry about that.”She looks pleased, but for the first time, I wonder.
“Are you actually excited to move?”I peer at her.“Or are you sad?Will you miss being here, surrounded by kids and drama?”
Her smile’s warm.“Ah, Vanessa.You have such a big, warm heart.I knew it would be hard for you to live with your mother-in-law, and Jason’s not even here to tell me when I’ve overstepped.I’m sure I’ve made you crazy, but you never complained.”She reaches up to brush a hand against my cheek.“I love you so much, and living here has been wonderful.”She looks like she might cry.“Ever since Jason and Jeremy moved out years ago, my house felt so empty, and being here, it felt full again.But I also want you to have your space, and I’ll be so close in the new cottage that it’s really the best option in all the world.”Her smile looks entirely genuine.
Within ten minutes, we’ve loaded up her suitcases, driven them around the corner, and unloaded them again.Natalie and Samantha already had Rían help them move a bed, a chest-of-drawers, a nightstand, and a kitchen table into the place.
“You don’t even have a sofa,” I say.“Maybe you shouldn’t move in yet.”
“They’re coming to hook up the internet this afternoon, and I need to be here to meet them,” she says.“And the sofa you and I picked out is coming tomorrow, along with my new television.Plus, you know Jeremy’s in town.Now he can come visit me without bothering you.”She inclines her head.“Don’t you worry about me.I’m going to be great in here.I have a dozen books I haven’t even read yet in my blue bag.”She winks.
“But—”
“I’m not feeble,” she says.“I can unpack my own bags, and these kitchen cabinets are amazing.”
“You don’t even have dishes.”
“What do you think is in this bag?”She points.“I never unpacked it at your place, because you had a kitchen full.”
“You have one bag of clothes, one bag of housewares and toiletries, and one bag of kitchen stuff?”I scrunch my nose.“That’s not nearly?—”
She waves something at me, and when I focus, I realize it’s a credit card.“I’ll buy the things I’m lacking, so stop fussing.”
I sigh, but I listen.Moments later, I’m headed out the door with her promises that she’ll call me when she’s ready to go out shopping.“Furnishing and outfitting a new house is a lot of work, and I’m just right there.”I point.“I can pick you up at a moment’s notice.”
She has a car now, the funniest little smart car ever manufactured, and watching her drive it makes me laugh, but if she wants to buy anything bigger than a toaster, she’ll need me to take her.
“You have your medicine, right?”I ask.
She shoos me out the door.“I’m not a stray duckling.”She shakes her head.“I know I have to take my medicine, and I’ve been taking it every day.I can also wipe my own bottom.”She’s smiling.“Now, out with you.Go enjoy yourself.Walk around in your underwear or eat ice cream while bingingBridgerton.”
“I can do those things while you’re around,” I say.
