I think, after my conversation with Richard, my body initiated its own trauma response, this one psychological.I’m sure it’s every bit as real, but I’m definitely less of an expert in dealing with it.It’s been two days since I confessed my lie, and I haven’t picked up a single call or answered any of my text messages.
I’ve been staring at his latest text for almost five minutes when Natalie and Vanessa walk through my front door.
“You missed our meeting.You’ve never missed an owner’s meeting before.”Natalie drops into a chair without asking.“Maybe even more concerning, Rían says you aren’t riding.”She snatches my phone.“I’m assuming you’re staring at some kind of communication from Richard.”
Vanessa looks apologetic, but she also does nothing to stop her.Not that shecouldstop Natalie.Our friend’s a bit like a freight train when she gets going.
“And are all ofthesealso from him?”Natalie gestures around the room.
Every surface is covered with flowers.Roses.Daisies.Irises.Lilies.He’s gone dramatically overboard.I haven’t even opened two of the deliveries.They’re still sitting in boxes on my front porch, even though they’re marked ‘perishable.’
“Did you tell us everything?”Natalie taps the phone.“Because this text just says, “Please call me.We need to talk.”She frowns.“Did our boy do something really, really stupid?Or is this all about his dad proposing for him, and you coming clean about lying to him?”
“It’s—I don’t know what to say to him.”
“Shouldn’t you be the one apologizing?”Vanessa asks.“For lying?”She arches one eyebrow.“Or are you mad at him for something else?”
“Richard didn’t do anything wrong,” I say.
“Unless you count desperately needing the one thing you can’t give him,” Natalie says.“Because that’s pretty problematic.It’s kind of his fault you lied.”
“It’s not.”I shrug.“I lied because of my stuff.He hasn’t pressured me.”
“But the pressure’s there,” Natalie says.“I felt it, and I’ve had five kids.I could have more, and I still felt that pressure like a load of bricks.Babies, babies, babies.”
“Richard’s a good guy, and he deserves better,” I say.“That’s all there is to it.”
“Then he’s screwed,” Natalie says.“Because there isn’t anyone better than our Samantha.”
It’s nice to have them around, but they don’t get it.Both of them have kids, and I chose not to involve them while I was going through all the miserable attempts to have my own for a reason.
Natalie hands me the phone.“He also asked if you’re going tonight.Care to explain what that means?”
“Yeah,” Vanessa says.“What’s ‘tonight,’ other than a regular Wednesday?”
“Kids are about to be off school,” Natalie says.“So it’s not something for them.”She frowns.“Horses?Is there a horse thing?”
Vanessa snaps.“I bet it’s the meet-his-best-friends date.”
“Right.”Natalie nods.“They’re spending Christmas in Ireland just for you.”She whistles.“If you don’t go, you’re basically breaking up, right?But if you do go, you need to know where you stand.”She grimaces.“I’m understanding a little more why you’ve been crippled by indecision.”
“Thanks a lot,” I grumble.“Very helpful.”
“You have to talk to him before,” Vanessa says.“But what will you tell him?Have you thought about it?”
“He needs a son,” I say.“I need to not try to have kids anymore.”
“So you’re at an impasse.”Natalie grimaces.“Could you just dump him with a text?”
“Ofcourseshe can’t,” Vanessa says.“She’s forty, not fourteen.”
“I did it.”Natalie quirks an eyebrow.“And he’s the one with reproductive demands.I think she can dump him any way she likes.”
“You’re just saying that because you chickened out.”That actually makes me smile.“You’re such a fourteen-year-old.Does Cillian know?”
Natalie’s full-on scowling now.“Shut up, both of you.It was better for all parties to handle it without awkwardness, since we weren’t even officially dating.”
I laugh.“I amnotgoing to be dumping him by text.He’ll think all Americans arethe worst.”
